


It Only Goes Down Hill From Here

by BoldVold



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Conversion, Doctor!Joseph Seed, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, F/M, Fluff/Smut/Angst, Humor, Jealousy, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Mind Manipulation, Nurse!John Seed, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychiatrist!Jacob Seed, Religion, Restraints, Sexual Tension, Veteran!Staci Pratt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2019-07-27 21:35:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16227782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoldVold/pseuds/BoldVold
Summary: Staci is struggling with the comforts of home.Jacob Only wants to help.





	1. Am I here yet?

The first bombs went off early in the morning, before the sun had breached the horizon. It gave them just enough light to grab their gear and rifles before the platoon booked it, running for whatever cover they could find. Pratt finds rubble that used to be a wall but it's enough to shield him from the blasts. He get's on the radio, trying to give as much information as he can.

"This is Private Pratt with platoon 103, Requesting immediate assistance at Idlib, Arihah camp-!" Another bomb hits the ground close to him, sand coming over the wall and landing on him.

Gunfire begins whizzing past them, some of his team returns fire.

"Pratt!" A corporal runs and dives next to him, hands gripping at his vest. "Lay down some cover fire for the men at the front! We need to pull back!"

Pratt's frozen, his eyes are wide, barely able to hear his friend screaming in his face. The radio in his grip only responds with white noise, no human voices are returning the call for help.

"Damn it Staci!" he shakes him violently, trying to snap him out of it.

The corporal changes his plan and takes the radio away from Pratt, hooking it to his own belt. He takes his arm over his shoulder and picks him up, rifle and all. Pratt watches the ground move beneath them, army boots stepping quickly in the corner of his eye. Sand and rock implode around them as they are targeted, eventually finding the corporals leg.

They fall together, a scream of pain breaking through the explosions. Pratt is thrown a few feet away, the wind is knocked out of him, life starts playing out in slow motion. The sound of screams eventually reach him, he looks up, eyes locking to the blood pouring from the mans leg. Pratt doesn't think, he just acts. He grabs his own rifle and runs. "Pratt?!" his friend yells after him. "Don't leave me! Pratt-!" The cries for help are cut off by another explosion.

* * *

 

Pratt jolts awake with blankets tightly wrapped around him, he struggles free and sits up tall, trying to control his breathing but only able to hyperventilate. Sweat rolls down his face and chest, trembling a little as he grabs a towel from the nightstand next to his bed. The dreams never get easier but at least he can be prepared for the aftermath.

He finally stands on wobbly legs after his breathing is somewhat under control and makes his way to the bathroom while softly shutting the door behind him, hoping not to wake his mother. He's been living back at home for 3 months now, after he was discharged his mom didn't accept no for an answer and took her boy under her wing. She seems to enjoy mothering him again, and he can't help but like it sometimes too, it's nice to be taken care of. He tries to help out around the house in return, dipping into his savings to help with the bills.

His sister Ashley comes around often, making sure he's taking care of mom, sometimes bringing an armful of treats from her bakery in Fall's End. It's usually a highlight of his week, but it's been more of a burden lately. She's been bringing up the army, he can't blame her for asking and he appreciates the concern most of the time, understanding she's worried. He tries to keep his cool, answering as much as he can before it gets too overwhelming and forces a change in conversation, usually about what kind of icing is on the donuts.

Pratt turns the taps on in the shower and holds his hand under the stream, waiting for it to reach the desired temperature. He fiddles with it for a bit before giving up and settles for semi-warm. He sheds his pj bottoms and steps in, shivering as the water hits him, feeling goosebumps rise on his skin. He just stands under it for a while, letting himself soak before grabbing a body sponge and starts to scrub. The sweat and physical dirt comes off easy, but it never feels like enough, fear sticks to him always, never fully going away. He's had to build a mask for himself, hiding whatever is lingering within him. He's changed and it seems like everyone knows it, making it the elephant in the room, he hasn't seen any of his friends since they had welcomed him at the airport. The guilt gnaws at him when he sees pictures of them on Facebook, everyone having a good time at the Spread Eagle. They had stopped asking him to go, knowing the answer would always be no.

It's better this way.

The water turns freezing making him quickly rinse his hair before stepping out and wrapping a towel around his waist before heading back to his room. He frowns at his bed, looking at the disheveled sheets, he'll need to wash them again. He moves to his closet, his army uniform glaring at him as he slides it open, it makes him grimace before grabbing his jeans and a random polo shirt. Thankfully the summer weather isn't gone quite yet even though it's September, the warmth has decided to stay for a little bit longer. 

"Staci Pratt!" his mom's voice comes out shrill. "You used all the hot water again!"

"There was none to begin with!" he shouts back, pulling on his pants.

"Such a boy." he hears her mumble before the bathroom door slams.

Pratt chuckles and finishes dressing before grabbing a few cigarettes from a secret stash in his drawer. A hot coffee sounds great right now, he makes his way down the hall to the open kitchen with cool fresh air hitting him as he walks in. Mom usually leaves it open on hot nights, much to his disapproval. Hope County is a pretty safe place to live but things change, they always do, people become desperate. Dangerous even.

He shakes his head and flicks on the coffee machine before shutting the window, making sure it locks. The coffee begins to pour a few moments later, the scent of it fills the room making him relax as he retrieves the milk and sugar.

The peacful moment comes to a halt when the front door swings open, slamming against the wall, a small 'whoops' whispered shortly after.

"I'll take a cup!" Ashley yells, arms filled with treat boxes.

"Me too!" a familiar voice behind her shouts.

It's Hudson, Deputy uniform and all, helping his sister carry in her pastries. He watches them struggle through the door, hiding a laugh behind his mug as they argue, trying to maneuver themselves. He grabs a few more mugs as they sort themselves out and refills the water in the machine.

The girls drop their luggage on the kitchen table, flopping down in the chairs next to it, huffing and puffing as they regain their strength.

"Who knew that deliciousness could be so heavy." Hudson huffs, rolling her shoulders.

Ashley sighs in agreement. "Thanks for helping, Joe."

Pratt makes for one of the boxes, only to have his hand slapped away.

"Not so fast there, Stace." Ashley sits up. "These are for the party."

He freezes, cup at his lips. "Party?" he questions his hearing.

"Yeah, it's young Hurk Juniors birthday, gunna have a surprise party for him." Hudson explains, looking at her watch. "You got the afternoon to get all this stuff set up, Ash. Better get to it."  
  
Ashley raises her head, pouting. "Thought you got the rest of the day off to help me?"

"Sorry, duty calls." She replies with a wink.

She takes one of the steaming cups of coffee with a small salute to Pratt and heads out the door.

The soft click of the door closing echoes in his mind, leaving him alone with his sister in uncomfortable silence. Ashley eventually moves to take her own coffee before brushing past her brother to start unloading the sweets. Pratt's grip tightens on his mug, his throat feels tight and dry, the coffee he was enjoying before only makes it worse.

"When were you going to tell me?" he asks quietly, looking down into his drink.

Ashley just shrugs, sipping at her beverage, busying herself with fixing icing on a cupcake.

"I'm not ready for this, Ashley." he sits down on the opposite side of her, running a hand through his hair.

"It's been months, Staci. You have to get your ass in gear at some point, why not tonight?" she doesn't look up as she talks, sifting through a bag.

"I just can't. Things are different." he huffs, letting his coffee grow cold.

"They accept that, little brother. That's what friends are for." she throws an empty box on the ground before standing up to look through some cabinets.

"Are you really gunna make me do this?" he whispers, voice wavering.

Ashley finally looks at him, stopping her search for party supplies, she walks back over to him and places her hands on his arms.

"I can't imagine what you've been through, Stace." she squeezes, a silent signal for him to look up at her.

She looks almost guilty. "But sometimes, we all need a kick in the ass ." she smiles. "And I am more than willing to do exactly that, if that means it will help you feel just a little bit better."

They both laugh, her guilty expression dissipating.

"It's time to come home." her voice is quiet, maybe to make sure their mom doesn't hear their conversation.

Pratt sighs, tension leaving his body, he's too tired to fight this anymore. "Fine." he finally says.

She gives him a small kiss on the forehead. "Good, I was afraid I would need to drag you out of your room by your ear."

He chuckles, knowing full well she would have no problem in overpowering him, and takes a sip of his now cool coffee, trying to swallow down the anxiety still left in his throat.

"Ashley dear?" Their mom walks in, curlers still in her hair. "I thought you were coming later?"

"You knew about this?" Pratt speaks up, about to complain but is cut off with a glare from his sister.

"Joe came by and offered me a ride. Sharky was happy to get out of that obligation, had to 'drop his kids at the pool' or something." she waves at her, going back to her search. "Where is that damn tablecloth?" she grits out, starting to pull out pots and pans.

"Oh just let me handle that, go start on your decorations." Mom butts in, gathering the scattered dishes.

Pratt pours out the rest of his coffee, and begins to head back to his room.

"Where do you think your going?" Ashley cuts him off, arms crossed.

"Come on, you already have mom helping out." he groans.

"Hurk isn't her friend, he's ours. Now go get those fancy dishes we use for important dinners."

Pratt rolls his eyes but heads over to the family armoire. This is going to be a long day.

* * *

 

The table is set and filled to the brim with goodies ranging from cake to hard candy. They had run out of dishes so they had to use the good napkins for the rest, much to their mothers dismay. Streamers cover most of the furniture and walls with balloons floating against the ceiling, the tails of them almost hanging in front of his face.

"This might be overkill." Pratt looks over the spread. "I mean it's just the normal group of friends, yeah?" he asks hopefully. He really hopes.

"Yeah..." Ashley slows her work on wiping down the counters.

"Ash..." he tries to make his voice more intimidating but it only comes out shaky.

"Maybe a few new ones." she confesses.

The tension in his body is back.

"Who?" he makes his sister stop.

"They're new to the county, super charming and friendly family. They come to the shop all the time, and buy the most expensive cakes!"

"Ashley." he tries to interrupt.

"Super religious but they don't shove it in your face, they actually work at the Veterans Hospital. Oh! and-"

"Ashley!" he can't help but smile a little at her rambling, but he needs to know.

"What?"

"What are their names?" that's all he wants to know, he can do his own research if needed.

"Well there's Jacob, who's the oldest, super outdoorsy, strong and silent type. Joseph seems the smartest out of the three, he's always super kind. And then there's John," a blush rises on her cheeks, obvious interest in the man. "he's the youngest but a very charming guy. Also has a good sense of style."

Pratt nods through the descriptions, not hearing anything particularly interesting or out of the ordinary for Montana residents. "Thanks for the heads up."

"You okay?" she asks carefully, going back to cleaning.

"I'll be fine." he lies. "I'm going to get some air." he declares, heading to the back door, pulling on his boots before walking out and onto the back porch.

"Better change into something more appropriate for the party!" she yells after him.

Pratt rolls his eyes again for what feels like the hundredth time today, letting the screen door slam behind him. He digs a cigarette out of his pocket and puts it between his lips before taking a match stick from the other. He strikes it on his boot and raises it to his face, covering it with his hand so the wind won't snuff it out. The cigarette or the 'death stick' his mom likes to call it, lights without issue, he takes the opportunity to take a long drag from it. He lets his hands shake, exhausted from making them hold still. He looks back to make sure no one is watching him from the window, if they saw him like this it would only give them more reason to fret.

Sometimes the mask has to fall. He has been good at hiding it so far, usually long hikes help but lately he's been going off the trail to let a few sobs escape. Unfortunately the panic comes out of nowhere, hitting him like a truck. He's had to run into the bathroom once, turning on the faucet so no one would hear him vomit and cry in the sink. Mom would give him a look when he eventually came out, blaming it on too many sweets. She probably doesn't believe him but she lets it go, knowing that she won't win the argument.

The sun is almost behind the mountains when he takes one final drag of his cigarette before putting it in the dirt, kicking some over it to try and hide the evidence. It's worked so far.

He quickly heads back inside, striding straight to his room to change for the occasion. He doesn't have anything spectacular to wear but he'll try his best.

Pratt ends up finding his black suit pants, last time he used them would've been his high school prom. They're a little tight in the waist, hopefully from building muscle and not from his sisters donuts. Unfortunately he can't find a shirt-

"Hey Stace?" there's a knock on his door.

He throws an undershirt on and opens it slightly.

Ashley's greets him with a small smile. "I got ya something."

She reveals a white dress shirt from behind her, unfolding it for Pratt to inspect.

He runs a hand along the sleeve, feeling the crisp fabric between his fingers.

"Did... You iron it?" he asks, surprised she would even know how to use one.

"Shut up and put it on, our guests will be here soon." She shoves it into his chest and heads back down the hallway.

"Thanks, Ash!" he calls after her, frowning when he doesn't receive a response.

Pratt shrugs the shirt on and strides over to the bathroom, checking himself out in the mirror. He fixes the flipped up collar and begins to button it up, not forgetting to do the cuffs this time. He grabs a comb and runs it through his jet black hair, wincing when it gets caught in a few tangles. The army had buzz it all off when he joined, but he's glad how fast it's grown back, being able to run a hand through it and tuck some behind his ear is comforting.

"Stace! Grace and Sharky are here!" Ashley shouts to him, sounding almost panicked.

He takes one last look at his reflection, finally somewhat happy about what he sees. He steels himself for the social interaction he's been avoiding for months. Time to face some fears.

"Hey there he is!" Grace greets him at the end of the hallway.

"It's good to see you, Grace." he returns, hoping his smile appears genuine.

The pitying look he receives back doesn't sit well with him, he stretches his arms out to embrace her instead of thinking too much into it. Thankfully she accepts it with a smile, giving him a peck on the cheek before pulling back.

"Hey! Hey! What about me?" Sharky walks over, arms spread wide, beer already in hand.

He hugs Pratt a little too hard, his back cracking under the pressure.

"We missed you man!" he shouts in his ear, eventually releasing him from the bear hug.

"Missed you too." he pats Sharky's shoulder, giving another false smile.

The doorbell rings, breaking up the reunion.

"I'll get that. Stace, get Grace a drink, yeah?" Ashley rushes to the door.

Pratt nods and shows Grace to the kitchen.

"What's your poison?" he asks, grabbing one of the many red plastic cups from the table.

"Screwdriver, please." She cheerily says back, watching him make her beverage. "I'm really glad you're here, Staci." she quietly adds, placing a hand on his arm.

The contact makes him falter, spilling some orange juice on the counter.

"Sorry!" she laughs, grabbing a napkin for him.

"Thanks." he mumbles, focused on keeping his hands still.

Pratt offers her the drink, nodding when she thanks him.

"We gotta catch up, coffee soon?" Grace asks, almost completely downing her drink in one go.

"Sure, we'll figure out a time." he agrees, opening the fridge to grab himself a beer.

"Will we really?"

Pratt freezes. This is why he wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to be judged or interrogated.

"You've been pretty absent, you sure you're okay?" she watches him behind her cup.

He lets out a sigh and opens his drink, throwing the cap in the sink, taking a swig.

"Doing good. Thanks." he's short with her, it's all he can manage.

He cheers her cup with his beer and walks out to the front room, eyes landing on the newest guest, Nick Rye.

"There he is!" Nick gleams at him. "Where ya been, buddy?" he walks over, offering him a handshake that turns into a hug.

Pratt's smile is real this time, him and Nick get along the best out of the group, their shared love of flying had definitely strengthened their relationship. He had even given Pratt a few flying lessons, something to check off the bucket list before he left.

"Where's Kim?" Pratt asks, tightening the hug before letting go.

"Ah, she rather sleep, no offence to you guys, Nick Junior has been kicking her butt." He laughs a little. "Mind if I grab one of those too?" He points to the beer in Pratts hand.

"Feel free, there's plenty in the fridge." he motions, ignoring Grace's stare.

Nick claps a hand on his shoulder. "Just what I like to hear." he smiles, leaving to grab a beverage.

The room feels lighter with Nick in it, he's the only person that doesn't bare down on him, at least for now. Sharky is pretty easy going too but doesn't seem to understand personal boundaries.

Adelaide and Jess are next through the door.

Pratt tries to avoid the over enthusiastic Adelaide but it's no use, she finds him hiding behind his sister and squeals, bringing him towards her by his collar.

"Oh Staci darlin'!" She squeezes her arms around him, her grip strength almost inhuman.

"Hey Ad." he wheezes, breath being pushed out of his lungs.

"I missed you, sweetness!" she pulls back and gives him a big wet kiss on his lips.

Pratt was not prepared for it but does his best not to rip away. She eventually releases him, giving him a big smile before wiping away her lipstick on his lips with her thumb.

"Can I get you a drink, Ad?" Ashley speaks up, trying to rescue him.

"Yes please, I'll take an Ol' fashioned." she walks with Ashley to the kitchen, giving a wink to Pratt as she goes.

He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand when she isn't looking, tasting cherry and alcohol.

Jess walks up to him, an apology broadcasted on her face. He gives her a nod, they had never really talked, but both of them respected each other privately.

The doorbell rings again. Pratt looks for Ashley, but she's preoccupied with attempting to wrangle Adelaide and Nick trying to help her, but receiving a kiss as well.

It's up to him. He excuses himself from Jess and opens the door, fake smile painted on his face. These guests are new. The man in front is well dressed, his dark hair slicked back, he wears a black fitted vest with a blue dress shirt underneath, it all looks brand new with designer jeans to complete the outfit. The taller man in the back is intimidating, looking like he is already assessing Pratt with his piercing blue eyes. Scars appear just above his beard, red hair shaved at the sides with it left longer at the top, he gives off a military vibe although he is just wearing a grey shirt and jeans.

"Ah, you must be Staci." The shorter man holds out his hand, tattoos cover his forearms. "I'm John."

The smile he gets makes Pratt uneasy but he puts his beer down on the front table and takes the hand in his, making sure it's firm. "Yeah, nice to meet you." he nods, looking between them.

"Jacob." the older brother holds out his hand as well, eyes not leaving his.

Pratt accepts it, happy that his hand doesn't shake when he holds it out.

"May we come in?" John raises his eyebrows.

"Oh. Yeah, of course. My sister will be happy that you made it." he grabs his beer before stepping aside to let them in.

Ashley seems to spot them immediately and strides over to them as soon as they walk in, leaving Adelaide to Nick. "So glad you guys could make it," She smiles, giving John a hug.

"No Joseph?" she looks behind them.

"Not this time, he got called in. He sends his best wishes to Hurk." John takes her hands in his as they finish their hug.

She barely tries to hide a blush, hands curling around his in return.

Pratt shifts, uncomfortable with the current setting, he hopes Nick can escape Adelaide soon. A hand on his shoulder startles him, John is looking into his eyes, almost the exact same colour as his brothers but a bit darker.

"Ashley has said nothing but good things about you, I promise." he states, giving another smile.

"I hope so." he tries to be funny. "Do you want anything to drink?" he hopes, so he can escape.

"Have any bottled water?" it's a strange request but he'll try his best.

"Could do. Anything for you, Jacob?" he looks to the older brother, whose eyes are still on him.

"Why don't you go see what they have, Jacob? Help Staci out with some of the drinks?" John's smile doesn't falter, focusing back on Ashley.

"Sure." Jacob shrugs.

Pratt leads the way, passing by Sharky stuffing his face full of pastries as Jess sits next to him, looking bored. Nick and Adelaide are outside having a rather loud debate about whether helicopters or airplanes are better. He sighs, opening the fridge for Jacob to inspect. "Anything you like?"

"I'll just take a beer." he says curtly.

Pratt nods, taking one from the fridge, adding the cap to the growing collection in the sink.

"Cheers." Jacob thanks him, taking a swig right away.

"I'll get some water for John. It's probably in the garage if you wanna come with." he motions to the back door.

Jacob replies with a nod. Definitely the strong silent type.

He leads him out the back, past the quarrelling pair of pilots and into the garage. He steps over some rusty tools, giving a heads up to Jacob who follows carefully behind. He reaches the button for the garage door and pushes it, closing his eyes to the noise it makes. "Light can't turn on unless the garage is open, old system." Pratt explains, finding the old refrigerator in the front corner.

Jacob hums in understanding, or just couldn't care less, Pratt can't tell yet.

"Mind if I smoke?" he asks, pulling out a pack and a lighter.

"Uh sure, just stand close to the open door." Pratt replies, reaching the fridge and opening it.

He finds a couple of bottles of water and grabs them, he starts to head back but thinks better of it, Ashley would kill him if he left a guest alone in the garage. He could use a smoke too.

Pratt makes it over to Jacob scrape free, he puts the bottles on the cement floor and pulls out his own cigarette, wrapping his lips around it. He pats his pants pockets looking for a match but can't seem to find one, must've used his last one earlier. He looks over to Jacob who's already halfway through his.

"Mind if I borrow your lighter?" Pratt finally asks, having to take a few moments to build up some courage.

Jacob grunts and digs into his pocket. Pratt holds his hand out to take it but it's completely ignored, Jacob's in his space hand covering the lighter from the wind and ignites it for him. Pratt notices his hand is shaking and pulls it away quickly, hiding it in his pocket as he takes his first drag.

They're both silent for a while, focused on getting the nicotine in their system. The silence makes him even more uncomfortable than anything, so he tries to find a topic.

"Thought you were a doctor." He ends up saying, instantly regretting it.

Jacob doesn't look at him. "Oh?"

Pratt takes it as a que to continue. "Yeah, shouldn't a doctor know better than anyone else that cigarettes are terrible for you?"

He finally sees a smirk come over Jacobs face, it makes him feel proud.

"I'm a psychiatrist." Jacob reveals, taking another drag.

"Oh." Pratt nods. "You work with your brothers?"

"Mhm." is all he gets.

Pratt shakes his head and gives up, taking another long drag of his death stick. He tried.

"How you settling in?" Jacob asks, his eyes are back on him.

"What?" he replies, confused.

"Ashley said you were in the army, you've been back for a couple months now."

"Right," he catches up. "I've been doing fine. Just helping around the house."

"Your family might believe that, but I can see right through it." Jacob's voice turns stern, almost condescending.

Pratt doesn't like the change in tone, who the hell does this guy think he is? "Sorry, but I don't think it's any of your business. You don't know me." he returns.

Jacob chuckles. "It's my job. Of course it's my business." he puts out his cigarette, throwing it on the gravel driveway.

"Aren't you off the clock?" Pratt snaps, glaring at him.

Jacob looks over to him, his blue eyes are soft this time, almost inviting. "I know what you're going through, Pratt. I can help you." he offers gently, the tone totally different from seconds ago.

"Excuse me? Did my sister put you up to this?" Pratt tries to keep his voice down, but panic is seeping in.

"Yo, Stace! Hurks on his way!" Sharky shouts into the garage, totally oblivious of the situation.

Pratt breaks eye contact and shouts back to him. "Be right there!" He takes one final drag of his cigarette, ignoring his tremors, and throws it onto the driveway. He doesn't care if his family finds it.

"Pratt." Jacob brings his attention back to him.

Pratt watches as he pulls out his wallet and hands him a card. "What's this?"

"My card, call me if you need me." With that he leaves, heading back into the house, not bothering to look back.

Pratt stares at the card. _Jacob Seed, Hope County Psychiatrist._ An address and what he assumes is the mans phone number is on the back.

_The fuck just happened?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to make something original with Jacob and Staci. I apologize in advance for any inaccurate statements or information that I may have wrote about the army parts, I tried to do my research!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Want another chapter?


	2. Coming Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience! I've been busy updating my other Jacob/Pratt story.
> 
> Enjoy!

Hurk almost has a heart attack when everyone jumps out at him as soon as he walks through the door. Joey has to catch when he sways backward as if he is about to pass out from shock. He bounces back up quickly with a big smile on his face, cheeks rosy red with embarrassment.

"Aw, you guys! I thought everyone forgot!"

"Never, Cuz!" Sharky slings an arm around his shoulders. "Ash has been planning this for weeks."

Hurk grins at her, dumb but sincere. "Thanks, Ash. Never had a birthday like this before."

"It was the least I could do," She gives him a hug. "You've helped out at the bakery so much. We all wanted to do something special."

Hurk goes to say something but his eyes land on Staci standing behind the kitchen counter. "Staci?"

Pratt tries to make himself small, he's in no mood to chat anymore after his discussion with Jacob but it's too late to run and hide now. "Hey, Hurk." He gives a half smile, it's all he can muster.

"Where have you been, man?" Hurk comes striding over, shoving Ad and Nick out of the way to get to him.

Pratt stays still, frozen actually, the beer in his hand begins to shake. He puts it on the counter and holds it there to steady it, all eyes are on him, especially Jacob's.

Hurk finally reaches him and pulls him in for a warm embrace, he returns it with one arm, a hand still on his beer.

The hug turns hot very quickly and he tries to escape it but Hurk holds on tight, sniffling against his crisp white shirt. He's crying?

Pratt stops trying to pull away, the room is suddenly too quiet, he needs to do something other than run. He sighs and lets go of his beer to run his now free hand through Hurk's messy curls, stopping at his bandana.

"What the hell, man." The birthday boy cries into his shoulder.

Pratt doesn't know what to say, he looks to Ashley for answers but her eyes don't meet his. He scans the faces of the rest of his friends, they all avoid his gaze. Guilt stabs him in the chest, his absence has obviously had a negative effect on the group, more than he honestly thought it would.

"I'm... sorry." He makes sure to say it loud enough so the whole room can hear. "I guess I got too comfortable in being alone, I thought it would be easier to come back that way."

Hurk lets out a sob and holds onto him tighter. Everything screams at him to run but he does his best to smother it as he continues. "I was obviously wrong."

Ashley finally meets his eyes at her brother's self-revelation and gives him a small smile.

"Tonight has shown me how much I've missed all of you." He squeezes Hurk. "I really hope you can all give me a second chance to come home the right way."

"Course, Staci." Nick raises his beer to him while everyone else smiles in agreement.

Pratt smiles warmly in return and gives Hurk's head a scratch before gently prying his strong arms off of him.

"Ya, man. We missed the hell out of you." He rubs his eyes, trying to gather himself.

"I'm sorry." He says again.

He means it.

Pratt has got to pull his shit together, not only for himself but for his friends too, his family.

They sing happy birthday and cut the monstrous cake shortly after. Hurk sticks to him like glue for the most of the night, laughing and talking louder in his ear with each drink. He takes a few breaths and laughs with him, doing his best to show that he intends to keep his promise.

Jacob thankfully doesn't approach him again, he just stands out of the way and sips on his beer as he watches the room. His eyes lock onto Staci's more than once, catching him staring, and each time Pratt has to tear his gaze away from the intensity of it. The so-called psychiatrist has got to know how intimidating he is to be around, his clients must find him helpful enough to get past the hard exterior.

Pretty soon the room is starting to calm down and become sluggish. Ad's drunk tirade has already come and gone, Sharky is groaning on the couch and cradling his stomach from the seven pieces of cake he had shoved down his throat. Jess and Grace seem to be having a good talk as they smile at each other in agreement, it's nice to see them both come out of their shells. Ashley is still attached to John, she hasn't left his side the entire night. Although, he doesn't seem to mind at all, even at one point he takes her hand in his own as they chat with Jacob.

Pratt should probably be happier for his sister, but he can't help but be suspicious of the brothers. They both give off bad vibes that he doesn't want to be in the vicinity of, that goes double for his sister.

"You alright, Stace?"

Pratt's attention shoots to Nick who has a sympathetic look on his face, oh how he's missed it. Nick can see through most of his bullshit, more than his sister could at least, he knows he can be tough to get along with but the pilot has never given up on him.

Not yet at least.

"Staci?" Nick's face turns tense with worry when he gets a blank stare in response.

Pratt snaps out of it and smiles. "I'm fine." It's weak but he doesn't want to make a scene.

Nick seems to understand and pats his shoulder. "You know I'm here for you, yeah? We all are."

Pratt nods and swallows some more guilt. "I'm sorry, Nick. I wanted-"

"Don't." He cuts him off, squeezing his shoulder. "You only need to say it once with me. And even then it was never really needed."

Pratt relaxes and lets out a breath. "Thank you."

"But you do owe me a favour now, which I can call on at any time. Deal?"

"Uh, sure?"

"Good. Cause I'm calling it in now." He smiles. "I need another pair of hands for a delivery in a couple of days."

"I'll be there." Pratt agrees, ignoring the way his heart beats faster in fear at the idea of flying again.

"Thanks, man." Nick lets him go and takes another swig of his beer.

Pratt takes the chance to sip from his own, eyes drifting back over to the living room and freezing when he finds Jacob's cold eyes on him. He can't look away this time like he desperately wants to, the sharp blue eyes bury into his tired green ones, pinning him in place. It's a glare he's never seen before, it forces his body to shrink on itself, trying to make himself less of a target. The eyes follow and Pratt feels a bead of sweat trail down his neck, his body is burning up from the intensity of them.

"Staci?"

Hurk's innocent sounding voice saves him from the trance and he turns to silently thank him. Nick is gone, probably went to continue his debate with Adelaide. 

"Hey, Hurk." His voice shakes but he hopes it's not noticeable.

"I err... I'm sorry about earlier, about making a scene." He looks down at his boots. "Kinda was surprised to see you. I mean, I know it's your house and you live here but... We all missed you and it's good to have you back."

Pratt smile as he fumbles over his words. "I missed you too. But I think you've nudged me in the right direction, I meant what I said and I hope I don't disappoint you guys again."

Hurk opens his mouth to argue the statement but Pratt shakes his head. "But today is about you, let's focus on that and I'll try to catch up."

He gets Hurks famous dumb smile and nods. "Alright, just let me know if you need a friend, ya?"

Pratt smiles in agreement, it fades when Hurk turns to catch up to Nick. He doesn't dare look back in Jacob's direction, too afraid that he'll suffocate under the man's glare. He finishes his beer in silence as he watches his friends laugh and smile at each other while the birthday boy tears open his gifts.

Hurk appreciates it all but the drone Sharky got him is obviously his favourite. Grace stops him from opening the packaging to try it out, he agrees to wait until tomorrow when he's outside and has space.

The night quickly winds down after that, Jess says goodnight and wrestles a struggling Adelaide out the door and into her little four-door Jetta.

Joey decides to head home next, complaining about an early shift, she gives them a wave as she peels out of the driveway and down the street.

Pratt looks to Ashley who gives him a confused look in return. Joey was usually the last one to leave, always wanting to help them clean up the place before they eventually had to kick her out.

"Did you say something to her?" Ashley squints at him.

"Nope." Pratt shrugs and opens his fifth beer of the night.

Joey had been quiet most of the night, Pratt barely noticed her.

Ashley should check on her...

"Alright," Nick throws an empty bottle in the sink. "I gotta get back to Kim."

Pratt tries not to show how sad he is when he hears Nick tell the room that he's leaving, the fake smile comes back and he gives him a weak hug.

"I'll text you the details on that delivery." Nick gives him a pat. "It'll be okay, Stace." He smiles back.

"Thanks, Nick." He breathes out.

Soon after that, Grace carries the groaning Sharky out the door with Hurk close behind, new toys overflowing in his arms as he waddles out the door.

Pratt closes it behind them and chugs the rest of his beer while he walks back into the kitchen. He starts to busy himself with cleaning up the empty bottles and dirty dishes, trying to send a message that he's done for the night.

Unfortunately, John is the only one that seems to notice. "Let us help clean up."

Pratt stiffens at the offer. "Oh no, I got it-"

"It's really no trouble." He leaves Ashley with Jacob and rolls up his sleeves as he begins to clear off the table.

"Thanks." Pratt mumbles and looks up from scrubbing dishes to find Jacob a little too close to his sister than he would like. "Hey, Jacob?"

Jacob's head snaps to him, looking unamused for some reason.

"Can you take the empty bottles to the garage?" That ought to keep him busy.

The large man softens his glare and walks over to him while Ashley helps John fold the table cloth.

Pratt doesn't breathe when Jacob is next to him, slowly picking up as many beer bottles he can before heading out the back. He sighs and turns off the taps, taking a towel off the oven door to dry off his hands. "I gotta go to bed, Ash."

It looks like she's about to argue but she glances to John and changes her mind. "Fine, but you're getting up early tomorrow to help me with the rest."

He'll take it.

"It was nice to meet you, John." He shakes his hand and tries not to shrink away from his bright grin.

"Likewise, I'm certain we will have another chance to talk."

Pratt hopes not but he smiles anyways to let him think that there's a chance.

"Goodnight." He leaves and heads to his room before Jacob comes back.

He quietly closes the door behind him before he collapses against it.

The tremors he's been holding back finally catch up to him now that he's behind closed doors and in the dark, all alone. The door rattles behind him as he lets himself violently shake.

He did it. The night was long and exhausting but he made it through. It's finally a step forward instead of him standing in place and watching life pass him by.

He hastily unbuttons his dress shirt when he starts to sweat, he's angry at his body for being like this. It wasn't a bad night, he should at least be a little happy that he saw his friends again.

But no, he doesn't deserve those positive thoughts and feelings, he shouldn't even be here.

_Pratt!_

Stop.

Pratt squeezes his eyes shut, trying to bury the images of blood and bodies deep into the back of his mind where it usually simmers until eventually boiling over at an inconvenient time.

_Don't leave me!_

Fuck. He drank too much.

Pratt quickly undresses and makes it to his bed, the tremors slow down as he buries himself under the covers, he should have stopped at the second bottle.

_Your family might believe that, but I can see right through it._

Jacob Seed seems like the last person he would want poking inside his head. The man looks like a total meathead, maybe a jock in a past life that couldn't make his high school football experience work so he settled for less. And now that he's older, he must think himself so wise to spew bullshit like that. Ashley had to have said something to him, how else could he have known about it?

Pratt sighs into his pillow, just another issue he'll have to deal with.

It'll have to wait until the morning.

* * *

Pratt makes sure to have a productive morning when he wakes up from his usual nightmare. He throws the soaked sheets in the wash before he tackles the rest of the dirty dishes in the sink.

It takes until the afternoon to clean the house, he feels a sense of accomplishment as he looks over the sparkling clean kitchen and freshly vacuumed living room.

His own room could use a clean too but that's for another day. He throws fresh sheets on the mattress before picking up his clothes from last night, he swears as his cigarettes fall out of his pocket. He goes to pick it up but pauses when Jacob's address and phone number stare at him from the business card he gave him. 

He grips the card between his fingers as he makes the golden lettering shimmer in the sunlight.

_Call me if you need me._

Pratt scoffs and goes to tear it up.

He stops mid tear. Jacob said he knew what he was going through, his build screams military, was he really in the same situation? Maybe he still is?

Pratt sighs and puts the card into the back of his cigarette pack then into the back pocket of his jeans.

It'll be a last resort, just in case.

"Staci!"

Ashley's voice travels down the hallway, he rolls his eyes and goes to find out what's wrong.

"Did you do all this?" She gestures at the spotless rooms.

"Yeah," He readies himself for the list of things he did wrong. "What did I miss?"

"Nothing, for once." She laughs and grabs herself a mug from the cabinet. "I was ready to clean when I got up but I'm glad I won't have to lift a finger."

"You're welcome." Pratt chuckles back. "How did you sleep?"

Ashley suddenly gets red in the face and looks away to fiddle with the coffee machine.

Oh.

"So you and John, eh?" He grabs a mug for himself.

"Shut up." She snaps.

Pratt huffs. "Do you even know the guy? He seems a little..."

"A little what?"

"Not of this world." He shrugs.

The observation earns him a glare. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Pratt can see how tense her shoulders are, maybe he shouldn't have brought it up, his morning was going so well until this point.

"I'm just worried about you, Ash."

Ashley slams down her mug and fully turns to him. "You weren't worried for months but now that I'm having fun you're suddenly concerned?!"

And the good mood is gone, just like that, his shoulders are slumped from the weight of the guilt that suddenly falls on him.

"Staci." Her voice immediately goes soft as she watches her brother shrink away.

He tries to smile back at her as he pours his coffee but slams the pot back in when the tremors prevent him from doing such a simple task. It's obvious how shaken and easily ashamed he is when he loses control over something so small.

"I'm sorry." Ashley whispers.

She touches his shoulder as he starts to walk away, he shrugs it off and keeps going, roughly shoving open the door to the backyard.

He shouldn't be this upset, he's been gone for a while and people change, even his family. Ashely can do whatever she wants, if she wants to hang out with weirdo's than that's up to her.

Pratt groans around the cigarette between his teeth when he remembers that he's out of matches, he should probably cave in and buy himself a lighter.

The porch door creaks open and he quickly puts the death stick away, trying to act casual as Ashley steps into his space.

"I'm sorry, Staci-"

"Don't." He shakes his head and looks at her. "You're right.

She doesn't meet his gaze.

"I haven't been there for you," He sighs as he runs a hand through his hair. "And I don't have the right to judge you but... just be careful. You're my sister, I'm supposed to bug you about stuff like this, right?"

Ashley finally smiles back at him "I love you." She wraps her arms around him and sighs, it sounds content.

Pratt returns the hug and buries his face into her hair, he's missed her more than he thought he would. They haven't said those words to each other for a long time, it's nice to hear it.

"I'll try to pretend I didn't see you hide a death stick in your pocket." She laughs into his shoulder.

Pratt squeezes her. "Thanks." He can't fight about that right now.

* * *

_Nick: Tues. 8am. Bring a jacket._

_Staci: Yes, mom._

_Nick: You'll thank me._

* * *

Nick's house looks the exact same before he left.

Pratt didn't really want to come. He wanted to stay home and snuggle into his fresh blankets.

His muscles ache from the cold as he buries his face into his fluffy jacket. He pulls his faux fur hood up to try and block out of the wind. The sudden change of temperature isn't surprising but it still sucks, he would have gone for a hike to let all the built up panic out before he came but for he hasn't been able to find the motivation to move for the past week. It's been harder than he thought to get back into a normal schedule, thinking about getting in the air again has been taking up most of his time, worried that they're going to combust in the sky and nose dive into the ground.

Ashley had dropped him off at the airfield in a rush, whether to get back to the bakery or John, he isn't completely sure. He's been standing at the end of Nick's driveway for a few minutes, wondering if he should just go back home. It must be unsettling if one of the neighbors saw him standing out here.

Pratt jolts, he picks it up when he sees it's Nick calling. "Hey."

"Where are you? Told ya to be ready for eight!" Panic laces his voice.

"I'm here, where do you want me to meet you?"

He can hear him sigh in relief. "Just meet me down at the strip."

"Okay." Pratt hangs up and starts to make his way down.

The bright yellow plane is already set up at the start of the tarmac. It takes his breath away, in a good and bad feeling. He missed flying terribly, the thrill of being free in the sky, soaring with the birds moving farther south for warmer weather. It brought him a certain happiness that he's never been able to duplicate anywhere else, he's gotten close with his sister's treats but not quite.

"Nick?" He calls out when he doesn't find him outside.

Nick pops his head up from behind several cargo bins, hands filled with smaller cardboard boxes. "Heya! Give me a hand."

Pratt jogs over and helps him stack the boxes to make them fit into the bins before they load up the plane.

Soon they're ready to start safety check and he's tossed a clipboard with a list. Nick gives him a quick refresher as they go along, it's appreciated but not necessary. Pratt kept up with the body and parts of the vehicle while he was away, often giving himself quizzes to pass the time.

"Ready to rock'n roll?"

Pratt freezes and looks up to his friend. His heart is in his throat, it's been a struggle just to get here, he can't back out now.

"Sure." He finally nods.

Nick pauses and looks back. "I won't force you, man." He tries to calm him. "I understand if you're nervous but you'll be safe with me at the stick."

"I know, I trust you." It's true, Nick is an expert pilot, it's literally in his blood. "We should go now before I chicken out." He sighs.

Nick opens the door for him and closes it once he is buckled in. Pratt rushes to put the headset over his ears before the engine is turned on, he knows it won't help much with the noise but the pressure on his head does help him feel a bit more secure. He digs his nails into the cushion of the seat as the engine starts to make the vibrate and hum.

"You good?" Nick yells over the headset, looking at him through the rearview mirror.

Pratt nods. "Fine." He replies without meeting his eyes.

The engine and the wind from the propeller roars in his ears, it suddenly hurts to breathe, he keeps quiet to try and not alert Nick to his distress.

"Here we go."

Pratt shuts his eyes and holds on for dear life as they begin to pick up speed. He can feel gravity trying to keep them down as Nick pulls at the stick to get them airborne. He remembers it taking less effort last time. Maybe there's something wrong with the plane? Are they not going fast enough?

Suddenly, they're in the air, he can feel them lift and it makes him open his eyes. Trees blur by underneath them and quickly turn into fields and rivers. He lets out a shaky sigh as the old feelings return to his chest, warming it up as they climb in altitude.

"All good back there?"

Pratt finally looks at his friend and smiles. "All good."

They fly for quite some time, Pratt eventually has to ask if they are really making deliveries or if Nick is kidnapping him.

The questions earn a laugh. "A little bit of both." Nick smiles. "I'm taking the long way around."

"Why?"

"The views are pretty, yeah?"

It's for him.

Pratt can't deny that the beauty of fall covering Montana's wilderness is breathtaking. A lot has changed since he had looked down the first time he was in Nick's plane. New buildings have been erected and stick out like a sore thumb with their gleaming white paint. There's one that stands alone in a wheat field, a freshly built church.

"The church is new, eh?"

Nick looks over his shoulder. "Yeah... It was built by those Seed brothers, they've been buying up some property in the area."

"Where the hell did they come from?" Pratt glares at the seemingly serene building.

"I got no idea." Nick sighs back and starts to bank left. "They said from Georgia but... Something ain't right there."

Pratt's happy he's not the only one with that opinion. The brothers he met last night have him all sorts of bad vibes, obviously, Ashley doesn't see it and that's what worries him most of all.

They start dropping altitude as they reach the Whitetail Mountain's, Pratt has no idea why, civilization is scarce here. The wildlife is plentiful, perfect for hunting and experienced campers looking for a challenge. He's never been into it much himself, looking at things from afar as he sits in a heated house is more of his style recently.

"Coming in for a landing." Nick pulls up on the throttle when they are several feet from the ground.

The landing is softer than he remembers, Nick is probably doing his best to make all of this easier for him, he appreciates it.

They are taxiing back to the beginning of the runway when a large tanker truck pulls in, followed by several pickup trucks and vans.

"What the hell." Nick mumbles and brings the plane to a stop.

The vehicles are all painted white with a black star-like symbol on each of the doors. They stop just in front of them and Jacob Seed gets out of the lead truck. Perfect.

Nick throws his door open. "Can I help ya there, Mr. Seed?" he yells over the dying engine.

"Come to collect our shipment, Mr. Rye." Jacob waves some rough looking men forward, setting them to work on unloading.

"You're a part of..." Nick looks down at his clipboard as he hops out of the cockpit. "Edens Gate?"

Jacob's face hardens when he sees Pratt in the passenger seat. "Yeah," He confirms, distracted. "Where do I sign?"

Pratt ignores him and climbs out to help with unloading but is only waved away, his help obviously not wanted or needed. Instead, he awkwardly stands next to Nick as Jacob signs on the dotted line,

"Mind if I talk to your partner alone for a moment?" Jacob asks as he hands the paperwork back.

Nick looks to Staci who tries to express how uncomfortable he is with the request through his eyes. He doesn't know what Jacob wants and he really doesn't want to find out.

"Nah, we got a schedule to keep."

They turn to leave but a strong hand grabs Pratt's arm to stop him. Dread punches him in the stomach as the heat from it burns through his clothes.

"It will only take a second."

Nick looks between them and walks away when Pratt gives him a nod, Jacob better make this quick.

"Give me your phone." Jacob orders when Nick is far enough away.

"What?" Pratt takes a worried step back. "Why?"

"You didn't call." Jacob says it like it's obvious.

"I didn't need to." Pratt snaps and yanks his arm out of the hold. "I doubt I could afford your 'services' anyways."

"Is that what you think I'm after?" Jacob takes an intimidating step towards him.

"No," He honestly didn't even think about that until just now. "I-... I don't know what you want from me.

Jacob's eyes turn soft. "I want the truth." He holds out his hand. "Phone."

Pratt sighs and digs it out of his pocket, unlocking it before handing it over, anything to get out of here.

Jacob smirks as he taps the screen randomly, probably amused by the hot girl on the phone's background as he enters in his number. He pulls his own flip phone out when it starts to ring, he hangs it up and now this man has his number.

Pratt quickly takes his property when it's handed back to him. He doesn't say another word as they walk back to Nick who starts up the plane as soon as he sees them.

"You okay?" Nick asks when they're up in the air.

Pratt shrugs. "Can we skip the scenic route this time?"

"Sure, bud."

Pratt feels his phone buzz in his hand and he turns it over to look at the new text.

_Jacob: Fri. 10am. Veterans Hospital._

_Pratt: No._

_Jacob: C u then._


	3. Surviving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check tags for NEW WARNINGS!

Friday morning comes way too fast.

It's 9am.

If he leaves now he'll just make his appointment with Jacob. He really doesn't want to go but a part of him is curious about the whole thing.

Jacob has been stuck in his head since he saw him at the delivery with Nick. And Pratt has no idea why... But maybe that's for the best.

A knock on his bedroom door startles him. "Staci?" It's Ashley.

He sits up and makes sure he's decent before he responds. "Yeah?"

The door cracks and his sister slowly steps in. "Are you going?"

"Where?" He asks, still groggy.

"Your appointment with Jacob."

Pratt flops down back on his bed and covers his face, he knew it, Ashley has been talking behind his back to Jacob.

"Fuck sake, Ash." He sighs.

"What?" She huffs and puts her hands on her hips, trying to look less guilty.

"You've told them about me?"

Ashley looks away to the carpet floor. "Maybe a little."

"I'm not going."

"Why not?"

"Why not?! Why do you think?"

"I'm sorry," She steps closer. "I just thought-... I wanted to help."

"First of all, why are you talking to some random meathead about me?" Pratt knows he shouldn't be this angry, though he can't help but feel a little betrayed by his own sister. "If there was any hope about me doing this, you've completely destroyed it."

"They asked about you!" Ashley reaches the end of his bed, arms flailing. "What do you want me to say! That you're thriving? Hm?" She waits for him to answer but he's been shocked into shutting up. "You refuse to talk to anyone but where does that leave me and mom?"

Pratt can see tears spilling over her cheeks. "Ash-"

"Who can we talk to about hearing you scream and cry in the middle of the night?" She continues. "They were there for me when you weren't... We only want to help..."

"You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped." Pratt mumbles as he looks away from what he's started.

Ashley sniffs at his response and holds herself as she struggles with the hurt she obviously feels. "Then do it for me, please? For mom."

Pratt runs a hand over his face when the guilt hits him like a freight train. He's been selfish and totally oblivious to other peoples emotions while he drowns in a sea of his own.

"The walls are pretty thin, eh?" He gives her a half smile, trying to lighten the mood. 

She barely manages to smile back as she wipes her tears away.

"I'll think about it, Ash." He concedes. "But I won't make it today."

"Can you reschedule?" She asks hopefully.

Pratt nods. "I'll text him right now but only if you promise to not talk to him about this type of stuff. At least not in too much detail."

"Deal." Ashley nods and strides over to give his forehead a kiss before walking out.

Pratt lets out a long sigh when his door closes, he grabs his phone from the charging dock on his night table and takes a few minutes to type out a message.

_Pratt: Can't make it. Reschedule?_

It only takes seconds for him to get a reply.

 _Jacob: Mon._ 12pm _._

_Pratt: K._

Pratt doesn't want Jacob to think he won anything, he's doing this for his family, nothing more.

His phone buzzes again.

_Nick: Going to the Eagle. You in?_

Pratt's surprised at the offer but replies right away.

_Pratt: What time?_

_Nick: 7pm. You should come._

He knows he should. So he will, he doesn't think on it this time, refusing to let the anxiety ruin another opportunity for him.

_Pratt: I'll be there._

* * *

Pratt pulls out his lucky red t-shirt with his grey jeans. They make him look a bit more muscular than he actually is and chicks seem to dig that, so does he if he's being honest. He smiles at the fun memories that the clothing brings back, fooling around with no strings attached. It was like being high, he might have been addicted to it.

But for tonight he made sure that he didn't put any expectations on anyone or himself. This needs to be calm get together, less booze and more talking this time.

"You ready?" Ashley calls to him from down the hall.

"Coming!"

"Jesus, Staci. You take longer than me to get ready!"

Pratt chuckles again, it's the truth. He makes sure his hair is in order and goes to leave but pauses when an idea pops into his head. He slowly walks to his dresser and opens it to search for something he hasn't wanted to see for a while. His heart thumps when his fingers find and wrap around the chain.

Dog tags.

No expectations but girls do love a soldier, right? Wouldn't hurt to wear it.

Pratt quickly puts the chain around his neck and the tags under his shirt. It's probably not the best idea but he strides down the hallway so he can't change his mind.

"You look very pretty." Ashley smiles. "Can we go now?"

Pratt smiles back and helps her with her coat before grabbing his own on their way out.

"Did you reschedule?" Ashley asks as they pull out of the driveway.

"Monday at twelve." He mumbles.

"Thank you."

He hears her sigh in relief as he watches the sun go down behind some trees. His sister tagging along might kill his chances at hooking up but it'll be nice to spend some time with her outside of the house.

Pulling into Fall's End brings back more memories, some bad, some good. It's very nostalgic all the same. Still the same shithole.

Maybe he's just too vain for this place but the town has been here forever and nothing has changed, not even fresh paint for the church that everyone says is the centerpiece and main tourist attraction.

Pratt's never been one for religion, he tried to open himself up to it to bring his mom some piece of mind when he left, but it never stuck.

"All good?" Ashley asks as they pull into the dirt parking lot.

"Yep." He replies curtly and steps out before he can change is mind about the whole thing.

"Yo!" Nick's voice comes from behind them. "You made it!"

Kim is smiling next to him, she looks good, not quite showing off a baby bump yet but she has a glow that makes her stand out.

"Yeah," Pratt turns to accept hugs from the pair. "It's good to see you both. How have you been, Kim?"

"Bored!" She sighs as she hugs Ashley.

"Mister Protective over here won't let me lift a finger around my own house." She gently nudges her husband in his side.

"That's not true!" Nick chuckles. "The books say-"

"Enough with the books, Nick. I'm barely three months!"

"Yeah, yeah." He puts his arm around her and kisses her hair.

Pratt shifts his feet, suddenly feeling awkward. "Shall we go in?"

"First round is on me!" Nick declares loudly as he leads the group inside.

An arm loops through his and he looks over to find his sister smiling at him, looking proud as the walk into the heated bar.

The inside of the building seems renovated at least, cleaner than he remembers too.

Nick grabs them all a round while Kim and Ashley start catching up with their girl talk, they cheers each other when the beers arrive and gulp it down. Well, at least Staci does, the others sip at their drinks as he finishes his within minutes.

So much for less drinking more talking.

Pratt ignores the worried looks they give him. He came to get out and let loose before he has to get all serious with his appointment on Monday.

Right now he wants to dance and scope out the two girls that are having some cosmos at the bar. He might have one of them on his cock by the end of the night if he plays his cards right.

It's been far too long.

"Staci?"

"Hm?" Pratt looks back at Ashley who waits for him to answer.

"Did you hear what I just said?"

Oops.

"Sorry."

Ashley pouts a little. "I'm getting commissioned for a cake." She repeats excitedly.

"Oh yeah?" Pratt sips his beer, eyes wandering back to his main goal.

"Yeah, the Seed family need it for an important event coming up."

Pratt flinches a little at the name and his attention is back to his sister. "Oh, cool." He needs another drink if they're going to talk about those freaks again. "Any special requests for it?"

"Not really, just as white as a wedding cake."

"Someone getting married then?" Pratt's mind flashes to Jacob for some reason, he definitely needs another beer.

Ashley shrugs. "Not sure, just a get together I think."

Pratt tries to distract himself with another gulp from his drink but finds it empty, only getting a few drops when he tips it vertically to get the last of it.

"I'll get another round," Nick speaks up. "Wanna come with?" He pats Pratt's shoulder.

He nods and follows him over while keeping an eye on the pair of blonds.

"So, I wanted to talk to you." Nick leans on the bar, waving the bartender over.

"Yeah?" Pratt's still half paying attention.

The girls finally seem to notice him staring and giggle to each other when he smiles at them, maybe he's a little rusty.

"I was wondering if you'd like to have more of a permanent position with me."

"Wait, what?" Pratt finally focuses on his friend. 

"Yeah, man." Nick smiles. "I need your help with a few more deliveries, then I'll need more help with Junior coming."

Pratt doesn't know what to say, he tries to find words while Nick orders a few more beers for them and waits for an answer.

"I appreciate the offer, Nick..."

"But?"

But he's the least reliable person out of their friend group. It's hard to even get up in the morning, how is he supposed to hold a job while still being so broken.

"I don't think I'd make a great employee."

"Come on, Stace." Nick sighs. "It's good money and it'll get you out of the house."

Their beers come and Pratt takes a few gulps of his so he can have time to think of a response.

"I've already let you down, Nick. I can't say I won't do it again.

It's the truth, he can't control it no matter how hard he tries, the morning is usually a losing battle.

"I'm willing to take that chance." Nick smirks at him before sipping his drink.

"Why?" Pratt's voice is suddenly hoarse with emotion, he really doesn't deserve Nick.

An arm wraps around his shoulders to comfort him. "Because you're my best friend, and I'm yours." He smiles. "Right?"

Pratt chuckles and sniffs a little. "Yeah." He confirms.

"Good, I'll make up some friendship bracelets soon." Nick laughs and pushes him a little. "Seriously though, think about it. I don't need an answer right this second."

"Thanks, Nick." Pratt manages to smile back as they clink their drinks together.

"Ashley Pratt! What a pleasant surprise!"

Pratt stiffens, he knows that voice. He turns to find the Seed brothers already at their table, giving his sister a hug while Jacob's eyes find him, making his stomach hit the floor. He's wearing a camo jacket this time, it's thin but he doesn't seem to be bothered by the cold.

Nick sounds just as put off as he does when he hears him sigh next to him.

"Want a shot?" Pratt asks and pulls out his wallet.

"Put that away, I'll get it."

"You sure?" He asks as he looks through several singles and one twenty dollar bill.

"Mr. Seed gave us a fairly large tip, I'm sure I can handle a few shots on my tab."

"A few?" Pratt puts his money away.

"Of course, I figure we've earned it."

A couple of shots are slid down to them already full. Nick nods to Miss May as Pratt strains to hear the conversations across the room between his sister and John.

Sounds like they're talking about the cake that's in the works. Pratt takes a peek back and sure enough Jacob hasn't seemed to have stopped looking at him since he got in the door.

"Did you kick his dog or something?" Nick notices it too as he hands him a shot.

"You'd think so." Pratt laughs before tipping his head back and letting the alcohol burn his throat.

"Ah, we should get this over with." Nick clears his throat and slams his empty glass on the bar.

He gives Staci a rough pat on the shoulder and walks over to their table to greet the party crashers.

Pratt's not ready to follow suit. There are more giggles coming from the girls next to him so he decides to take advantage of that.

He pulls his dog tags out of his shirt and takes his beer with him as he goes to introduce himself.

* * *

Pratt has missed this. The type of heat between bodies, skin on skin, lips locked.

Carly is hot enough, he would've preferred Tara but this will do just fine. It hadn't taken that long to sink his hooks into her, not after she saw his dog tags, he should have done this a while ago. It's so easy.

They barely make it to the men's room before she's on him, frantically kissing his jaw and neck in between moans as he squeezes her ass and hips.

Pratt guides her to a stall and locks it behind them. His heart is pounding in his chest but he ignores it, trying to brush it off as arousal. It's just been a while, no big deal.

He distracts himself by running his hands through her long hair and kissing her back just as eagerly.

"Mm," She smiles, when he pulls away. "Never been with a soldier before."

"Never had one fuck your mouth?" Pratt smiles back and runs his thumb over her plump lips.

The words make her blush as she slowly sinks to her knees.

Pratt watches her undo his belt and pants while he focuses on calming his suddenly rapid breaths. He keeps carding his hand through her hair as she plants a kiss on his bare hip bone before taking him out.

Pratt's eyes roll back when he feels wet warmth engulf him. He leans against the stall wall as she begins to bob up and down his shaft, sucking him way too quickly.

"Slow down." He gasps.

Carly ignores him and picks up the pace.

_Let it all out, I wanna hear you cry for me._

Pratt's eyes shoot open to stare blankly at the opposite ugly green wall.

_I could get used to this._

"Stop."

_I like how you beg, boy._

"Stop!" Pratt yanks away and hurriedly puts himself back in his pants.

"What the hell?" Carly wipes her mouth and puts her tits away, clearly hurt and embarrassed.

"Get out."

"Excuse me?" She stands up, hands on her hips.

"I'm sorry." He looks away, ashamed that this is happening right now. "Just get out."

Her mouth snaps shut and she shoves the stall door open, making it swing and slam against the cement wall.

He doesn't move as he hears the bathroom door squeak open and close.

_Having regrets, Pratt?_

Pratt quickly buckles his belt and heads to the sink. What the fuck is wrong with him? Why does he have to remember stuff like that, especially now?

Even with the memory fresh in his head, it doesn't kill the hard-on straining against his jeans. Maybe he could finish himself off if he's quick and quiet.

"Pratt?"

Staci jumps in horror and surprise when a low rumble cuts through his racing thoughts. He looks over to the door to find Jacob studying him.

"Jacob." He tries to acknowledge him but it comes out horrifyingly desperate.

It makes him clear his throat and turn on the taps to wash his hands.

Jacob crosses his arms and leans against the wall next to the dryer. "Gunna tell me what that was about?"

"What do you mean?" Pratt plays dumb.

"You two were all over each other when you came in here, few minutes later she's running out on her tab."

"You're watching me now?" Pratt mumbles and looks for something to dry his hands with besides the dryer.

"Hard not to." Jacob shrugs, letting it hang in the air before continuing. "It's a small bar." He clarifies.

Pratt nods, unsure what to say to that. "I-... I thought..."

Jacob's eyebrow quirks up. "You thought what?"

Pratt shakes his head, panic makes his throat close and tears threaten to spill over. "Nothing." He stands tall and moves to leave, wiping his hands on his jeans as he tries to get by.

Jacob's arm almost meets his face when it shoots out to block his exit.

Pratt doesn't dare look at him, Jacob will know if he does, he'll know what his true colours are. "Can you let me through?"

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

"Your sister is plastered, she's getting a ride with John."

"Great." Pratt grumbles, hanging his head.

He's trapped here then.

"I can take you home."

"No." He says a bit too quickly. "I rather walk anyways."

"Don't be stupid," Jacob scolds. "It's below freezing out there."

"I really rather you not-"

"Staci."

"Fine!" Pratt covers his face with his shaking hands, roughly wiping away the tears. "Just don't let me break down in here."

"Come on," A large arm wraps around his shoulder like Nick's did. "I'll do the talking."

Jacob was right about his sister, she's too far gone to even walk straight. But John has a tight hold on her to make sure she doesn't fall flat on her face as she sways to the music coming from the jukebox.

"You okay, Stace?" Nick eyes them both as they walk over to say goodnight.

Words get stuck in his throat, making him choke.

"I'm gunna take him home," The arm on him tightens. "Might've been those shots.

It sounds like Jacob is blaming Nick for this and that's not what Pratt wants.

"I'm fine," He manages to speak up. "Just tired."

Pratt can tell Nick doesn't believe him but keeps quiet when he sees the sadness in his eyes.

"Alright." Nick gives in and walks around the table to give him a hug.

Jacob tenses around him again before letting go to make room for the embrace. Pratt tries to ignore the subtle touches and looks he gets from him but he can't stop obsessing over it. Jacob's a strange man, maybe stranger than him, it's nice not to be the weirdest thing around if he's being honest.

"Think about my offer." Nick reminds him as he pulls away to let Kim give him a hug too.

"It was nice to see you, Staci." She smiles. "You look good."

"Thanks, Kim." He smiles at the obvious lie. "Goodnight."

They make sure Ashley knows their leaving too before they head out. She mumbles a goodnight and buries her face into John's neck.

John smiles and promises to be on his best behavior.

Pratt doubts it but he can't fight his sister about this again, not now.

Jacob's arm is around him again, making his neck sweat as he's guided outside and into the parking lot.

Pratt stares at the gravel crunching beneath his feet, trusting Jacob just enough to lead him to the car.

It's a truck, that's all he notices as Jacob opens the door and helps him into the passenger seat. Pratt waves him away when he tries to do his seatbelt for him, he's not completely helpless, not yet. He buckles it himself as he accepts a cigarette from Jacob, letting him light it before he closes the door and strides over to the drivers' side.

Without another word Jacob turns the engine over and pulls out of the parking lot a little too quickly, making Pratt hold on to the handle above his head in surprise.

"Sorry," Jacob mumbles. "Don't usually have passengers.

"It's fine."

They're about halfway home when Jacob, unfortunately, speaks up. "You okay?"

Pratt shrugs and keeps staring into the darkness outside the window. "I'll be fine."

"That's not what I asked."

"Shouldn't the questions wait until Monday?" He huffs.

"That depends," Jacob makes a sharp left turn. "Are you going to reschedule again?"

"Come on, Jacob." He's too tired for this. "What do you want from me, really?"

"Just the truth." He replies very matter of factly.

"And why would I tell you anything?" Pratt snorts. "I don't know you."

"Exactly." Jacob quickly smiles at him before focusing back on the road. "A fresh slate, free from judgment, it's the best way to start."

"Start what?"

"Talking."

"Right." Pratt scoffs, he's done talking.

He doesn't want to talk about how he's failed his family and friends, or how he's become a burden to everyone around him. The pitying looks he gets from them is evidence enough.

Pratt catches himself sniffling too much, he tries to crush the sadness with another drag from his smoke and the memories that came up this evening. It's a bad substitution.

It makes him hot and angry at himself. He thought he was over that part of his service. The desertion should have overlapped it.

"Staci?" Jacob must have heared him.

"I thought I was ready."

"For what?"

Pratt lets out a sad laugh. "To get out there again, to be who I was."

Jacob gives him a glance as he turns onto his street. "And who were you before you left?"

"I don't know... normal? I was called a lot of things." He smiles at the words that pop into his head.

"Like?"

"Asshole, douchebag," He sighs out. "You name it, I've been called it at least once."

"And that's who you want to be?" Jacob chuckles as they pull into his driveway.

"Well, no..." Pratt's brow furrows, he's confusing himself. "I'm just used to it, I guess."

"Hm."

"What?" Pratt looks up to Jacob when he hears him hum, the light from the porch highlight the scars on his face.

It almost takes his breath away, they look painful.

"Nothing." Jacob smirks at him.

Pratt's heart lurches at the soft expression from a man who he thought was rough through and through. Maybe there's something more to him.

"Uhm," Pratt clears his throat and picks up his jacket. "Thanks for the ride."

"Yup," He nods. "I'll see you Monday."

Pratt steps out on wobbly legs and throws his finished cigarette onto the driveway. He doesn't look back as he walks up the stairs and through the door, quickly closing it behind him so that the eyes he feels on him are cut off.

He watches the light from Jacob's car bounce off the walls as it slowly pulls out of the driveway. The overwhelming thoughts finally deafen him as he lets them go to ravage his mind.

It's his fault for putting himself in that situation, he pushed it too far and now he has to face the consciences. All on his own.

Mom is home so he'll have to cry in the shower to muffle the sounds. The bathroom seems so far but he strips down and hops into the hot water right away so he can get this over with.

It doesn't take long for tears to mix with the stream from the shower head.

The sobs shudder out of him, he's completely exhausted from holding them back for so long. He bows his head to lean against the tile while the hot water burns away his shame.

If Jacob hadn't come in when he did Pratt would be doing this in the bars gross bathroom next to the toilet.

_You're watching me now?_

_It's hard not to._

Pratt's dick twitches.

No. Please god, no.

He grips himself and squeezes when his balls throb, upset that they didn't get to release earlier.

Fine, he can do this, but not to the thoughts and memories of Jacob's arm around him.

He pours soap into his shaking palm before wrapping it around his twitching shaft.

Tits, soft bodes, red and swollen lips with his cock in between them. Her hair is short and soft as he imagines running his hand through it while he bites his lip and picks up the pace.

"Fuck."

Her mouth is so soft and wet as she sucks him down gently, not too fast, not too slow, just perfect.

A warm hand rests itself on his stomach, trying to stop him from thrusting into the warmth. It only makes him pant against the tile, desprate for more.

He'll ask if he can cum in her mouth and shudder when she moans around his cock, giving permission as she focuses on the tip.

"Haa- yeah." Pratt lets himself spill into her mouth, accidentally thrusting forward but pulling back when he hears her choke.

His eyes flutter open and look down to find a naked Jacob smiling up at him with cum in his beard.

_"My turn."_

Pratt's eyes fly open again to actually find himself naked in his bed, still damp from the shower and with his balls aching from his orgasm.

He hides his face in his hands and tries to get his breath back, at least it wasn't the usual nightmare, he got the release he needed. But now he has even more problems to worry about.

* * *

Ashley insists on driving him to his appointment to make sure he gets there. Pratt doesn't argue, he's not ready to drive again anyways.

The veterans hospital is quite stunning. It looks to be well maintained with its fresh gravel and colourful gardens. Vines cover most of the building, some of it blossoming into white flowers.

It all comes together with a pearl white fountain in the center of the driveways roundabout.

"It's a bit over the top."

Ashley shrugs and pulls to a stop. "I'll pick you up in an hour, no earlier."

Pratt rolls his eyes and goes to get out but is stopped with a hand on his shoulder.

"Thank you, Staci. Mom's proud of you, we both are." She smiles.

Pratt doesn't know what to say to that so he just nods in understanding before stepping out of the car.

The inside of the hospital is a bit darker and reeks of medicine. It seems empty, he doesn't see any patients, only hears his own footsteps as he walks down the hallway. The walls are covered in war memorabilia and pictures of serene landscapes. 

"Can I help you?" An angelic voice comes from behind him.

Staci turns to ask for Jacob's office but stops when he finds an actual angel standing patiently, waiting for an answer. He snaps his jaw shut as he takes her in. Her long blonde hair sits light on her shoulders, she's dressed in a crisp white blouse and grey pencil skirt.

"Sir?" She blinks at him.

"Uh," Pull yourself together, Pratt. "I-I'm looking for Jacob."

Smooth.

"Do you have an appointment?"

"At twelve."

"You must be Mister Pratt," She holds her hand out. "My name is Rachel Jessop."

He gently takes it, worried he might break her dainty fingers in his grip. "Nice to meet you, Miss Jessop."

"Rachel is fine!" She giggles and turns, hair twirling around her neck. "Mister Seed is waiting for you in his office, follow me."

Pratt bows his head and follows after her, trying not to watch how her hips sway as she walks, very nice.

"So what do you do here, Rachel?" He asks as they travel down several hallways, it'll take a few appointments to know the layout.

"I'm basically the Seed's assistant, I help with appointments, make sure the grounds are kept up to standards, and keep track of the patients."

"You like it?"

"Of course." She smiles, almost catching him staring. "The Seeds have always treated me like family. It's a comfortable environment."

Comfortable? In Jacob's presence? He doubts it.

"Here we are." She stops at a large mahogany door and knocks. "Mister Pratt is here for his appointment, Mister Seed."

Someone grunts on the other side and Rachel opens it for Pratt to walk in. "You're all set." She gestures him in.

"Thanks." Pratt smiles.

He takes a deep breath and walks through, heart beating faster when he hears the door close behind him.

Jacob is hunched over his desk with a lit cigarette hanging from his mouth, his eyes shift behind his glasses as he reads some papers, not yet acknowledging his new guest. The smoke glistens above his head as the sun shines through the maroon curtains.

The sight instantly calms Pratt's heart which worries him.

Jacob looks up at him through his glasses and nods to the empty leather couch next to him. "Have a seat."

Pratt quickly does so and looks around the room while he waits. There are a few pictures of Jacob and his family, all of them are stone-faced as they wait for the camera to take the shot. There's a mounted buck head on the wall behind them along with several interesting paintings of wolves doing what they do best. One has them feasting on a carcass.

He startles a little when Jacob suddenly stands and hands him a clipboard. "Need you to sign this."

"What is it?"

"Just a privacy waiver, I won't release your information unless I feel there's a safety issue." Jacob explains as he sits in the large chair across from him.

Pratt's eyebrows pinch together. "A safety issue?"

Jacob just stares at him through his cigarette smoke and waits for him to get it on his own.

Oh.

Pratt breaks the intense eye contact and pretends to read the forms before signing at the bottom.

"Good," Jacob takes it from him and tosses it on the coffee table in front of them. "So how was your drive in?"

"Uhm, it was good, fine." Pratt replies, a little thrown off by the incredibly generic question. "It's a pretty place."

"Mm, all the compliments go to Rachel. She keeps it in check."

"She's nice." Pratt nods, rubbing his sweaty hands together.

Jacob doesn't respond to that, he takes another drag of his cigarette as his eyes continue to look Pratt over. Maybe taking the finer details now that he has his glasses on.

"So," Pratt sighs. "How does this work?"

"It works if you let it."

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"Yes," Jacob agrees as he takes his glasses off. "But who for?"

Pratt hates this already, he gets what Jacob is driving at and to be honest, he's just here to bring his family some piece of mind.

"My family is worried," He decides to be honest. "They don't know what to do with me."

"So you're not here to get better," He lets out smoke with each word. "we've just annoyed you enough to get you in the building." Jacob sighs.

Pratt shrugs. "I guess I'm curious too."

"About?"

"I don't know yet." He mumbles.

"That's enough for me to work with." Jacob grunts and puts out his cigarette on the ashtray next to him. "How old were you when you left?"

Here we go.

Pratt clasps his hands together and takes a deep breath. "I was twenty, I served six years."

"Why did you decide to go to war?"

He shrugs again and looks away to the art on the walls. "Good money, better benefits."

"Not for the honor of serving your country?"

"I never liked to think of it that way."

"Most men do." Jacob sits forward, eyes intense.

"Guess I'm not most men." Pratt tries to stare back.

Jacob smirks at that. "Guess not."

It makes Pratt's stomach turn and think back to the shower he took after the bar, the image of Jacob on his knees, cum in his beard. He must be sicker than he thought.

"What's a regular day look like for you?"

Pratt blinks and tries to get back to the moment at hand. "It's... fine, I have my moments.

"And what moments are those?"

"I don't know, the times when I can actually function like a normal human being." He chuckles sadly, scratching around his dog tags chain.

Jacob's eyes flick to the motion. "And the other times?"

Pratt's throat closes, anxiety strangling him so he won't be able to answer. "They're usually a blur."

"I told you I want the truth." Jacob's voice turns dark. "I'm not your family, I can tell when you're lying."

It's not a total lie but Jacob obviously doesn't want him dancing around the questions anymore.

"I have panic attacks." Pratt swallows his pride, wincing when it stings his throat. "They can be totally random."

"Doesn't look like the one on Friday night was that random." Jacob notes. "What happened?"

It's Pratt's turn to glare, this is going a bit faster than he would like. "I don't-... I can't say."

"Can't or won't?"

"Both." Pratt stays stern.

"Okay," Jacob leans back in his chair. "How have you been eating?"

Pratt blinks again, surprised that the more personal question wasn't pushed. "I don't know." He replies flatly.

Jacob's brow quirks up. "You don't know?"

"I usually have a coffee in the morning."

"What do you do for the rest of the day?"

Pratt's stomach growls when he thinks harder on it, reminding him that he hasn't eaten today, as well as the whole weekend. "I haven't eaten." He slowly admits.

"Since when, Friday?"

Pratt nods, embarrassed.

"Wait here." Jacob orders and walks out of the room, gently closing the door behind him.

Pratt shifts uncomfortably on the couch, feeling a little awkward sitting alone in the dark office.

He doesn't have to sit alone for long, Jacob comes back in with a small plate and sets it down in front of him. "Eat."

"I'm not really-"

Jacobs uncaring glare makes him shut up and pick up the sandwich. It looks like a BLT, tastes like one too. He eats it all without another complaint while Jacob pours him some water from his desk.

"Drink and we'll continue." Jacob offers him the glass.

Pratt nods and uses the water to help wash down the rest of the dry bread. He just wants to go home at this point, although he does appreciate the food, he doesn't like being a burden.

"Finished?" Jacob asks from behind him.

"Yeah," He wipes his mouth with his sleeve and glances back. "Thanks."

It's not just embarrassing to forget to eat and have a stranger feed you, it's sad.

"I'm sorry." Pratt blurts out.

"For?" Jacob comes back to sit in his chair.

"Just am."

"Only apologize when you know what you did wrong." He gestures to the empty water glass. "Want more?"

Pratt shakes his head, if he has more he might throw up what he managed to get down.

"Can I ask you something?" He finally looks up at Jacob.

"Go ahead."

He swallows his fear, worried about the answer.

"Do you think I can be fixed?"

Jacob's body relaxes at the question and Pratt sees the corner of his mouth twitch.

"Fixed? No."

Pratt's shoulders slump.

"But I can teach you how to heal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> My other Jacob/Pratt story is the next on my list to update. Check it out!


	4. Getting Too Close

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love on this one! Still trying to figure my writing style out. Only gunna get better!

Pratt can't ignore how his mood has improved over the last few weeks, getting out of bed is less of a challenge.

It's not because of Jacob, at least that's what he keeps telling himself.

He's found the motivation to start exercising and uses the hiking trails to jog on instead of finding a bush to break down behind.

The first time he went out he almost collapsed before reaching the halfway mark, it's frustrating how out of shape he's become but at least he can say he's trying and it be the truth this time. Mom shows how proud she is by buying him a few new sweaters, giving them to him with a big smile on her face, they're a bit baggy but Staci just smiles back and gives her a big hug.

It's the thought that counts.

There are a few things Staci looks forward to each day, on the top of that list is Jacob texting him to eat, drink, and the date of their next appointment. The reminder comes every afternoon and he'll never admit that he waits for it and how disappointed he feels when his notifications show up empty.

Nick texts him too. Still trying to nudge him into accepting the job offer that he's laid out for him. Pratt's still not sure about it all or even if he's ready, it's a big job and he hates letting people down, especially Nick.

_Nick: I need your help next week. Please dude?_

Pratt ignores the pleading texts as he laces up his shoes, getting ready for another unsuccessful run. His phone buzzes again when he manages to untangle his headphones and plug them in. He glances at it and smiles.

_Jacob: Eat. Drink. Appt @2pm tomorrow._

Pratt doesn't usually reply back, Jacob doesn't seem to care though.

The last couple of appointments haven't exactly been easy, they've mainly talked about home life and what his routine is. The tough talks are coming through, he's not stupid, Jacob is just working up to it. At least they're free, Pratt doesn't know how that works but Jacob has refused payment each time. Keeps saying that 'it's on the house.' like it's just some free beer. He doesn't complain though, his savings are already dwindling as it is.

The thought of talking about his past makes him sick to his stomach as he puts his phone in his pocket and heads out the door with his hood pulled securely over his head. It settles down as he begins to jog on the side of the country road at the end of the driveway. It's quiet so he tries to search his phone for some music, there are only a few rock bands for the 80's that he enjoys. Most modern pop makes him want to pull his hair out. He grew up listening to the classics with his dad before him and mom had their falling out, he was gone the next day without even leaving a note or saying goodbye.

Maybe music isn't the best idea right now. He puts it away and enjoys the silence as he stops at an intersection to look both ways before crossing.

A bike bell rings from behind, making him stumble in surprise. He turns to watch a very professional looking cyclist slow down to a stop next to him.

"Staci Pratt." The cyclist smiles wides and takes off his coloured sunglasses.

"John?" Pratt glances around them. "What are you doing here?"

John should be miles away, Ashley said the Seed's all work at the Veterans Hospital up north.

John laughs at his confusion. "Can't I ride in my own neighborhood?"

Pratt blinks, unable to connect two and two together.

"Ah," John sits up on his bike. "I thought Ashley would have told you."

"Told me what?" He doesn't mean to snap but this has completely messed up his rhythm.

"I bought up that old runway down the street. Had some beautiful acreage that I'm building a house on."

"Oh," Pratt avoids the very blue eyes burrowing into his and instead takes in his expensive cycling outfit and shiny new bike. "That's cool."

"Like it?" John gestures to himself. "It's all brand new, I figured I'd try it out before the snow comes."

"It's..." Loud. "Nice."

John laughs again and Pratt's jaw clenches. "You shouldn't lie, I just wanted to see what the fuss was about. It's nice for your calves but terrible for your back."

Pratt doesn't have anything else to say so he just smiles and nods. There's something about this man that rubs him the wrong way, it's the total opposite of how Jacob makes him feel.

John's own smile suddenly fades as he takes Staci in none too subtly. "How have you been?"

Yeah, no. He already has one Seed brother poking at his brain, he doesn't need two. Staci checks both ways before he starts up his jog again.

Unfortunately, John's not one to let things go it looks like as he pulls up next to him, matching his pace and starts to make his case. "Look, I'm sorry but you must know by now that Ashley has told me a few things."

Pratt stays quiet and keeps moving.

"I care about her and she seems concerned."

Breathe.

"You should take it easy on her."

Pratt stops on the spot at that. "Listen," He rips off his hood so John can read his expression clearly. "I appreciate your concern for my sister but in case you didn't notice by whatever she said and what you've seen, I don't like you very much." He steps forward, trying to look imposing. "I just don't like people."

John's smirk doesn't falter, he doesn't even blink, it's like he expected all this to come out.

"I don't know you and I don't think Ashley truly does either, so it's best if you just take a hike."

There's an awkward silence but Pratt doesn't back down from John's unreadable eyes. They need to set things straight, although, this isn't the best time for it. The runs he takes usually bring him peace.

"You know," John scoffs, flashing his white teeth as he puts his unnecessary sunglasses back on. "I don't care if you hate me, Stace. Because I get plenty of love from your sister."

And with that, he pulls off and speeds around the corner.

Pratt turns on his heel and walks back home. John's words have left him feeling numb, he should be used to it by now but things were going so well.

He opens the front door and steps in to find Ashley standing in the kitchen, hands on her hips, glaring.

"What did you say to John?"

 

* * *

 

"I want to try something different today," Jacob speaks up as he finishes up some paperwork on his desk.

Pratt instantly tenses and carefully watches Jacob come closer and sit down across from him.

"It's an exercise that I think you'll benefit from." He explains as he turns a wooden box in his hands. "It'll help you visit the memories that you've buried deep and so we can work through them instead of letting it overwhelm you."

That sounds like a terrible idea. "I don't think-"

"Do you trust me?"

Pratt shrugs a little, he's honestly not sure if he does or not but he'd like to try.

Jacob sighs at that, sounding a little tired. "Just try."

"Fine." Pratt huffs. "What's the box for?"

"Just a tool." Jacob says curtly as he stands and rounds the coffee table. "Lay down."

The tension doesn't leave him, it increases tenfold at the order, it would leave him in a very vulnerable position. "That doesn't explain anything." He nervously chuckles, trying to calm himself down with a laugh.

"Trust me." Jacob seems to notice how uneasy he is. "Please." He gestures to the end of the couch.

His body automatically obliges when it hears the word 'please'. It surprises him and he tries to keep breathing as he shuffles back.

Pratt swallows some fear as Jacob pulls out a small key that fits perfectly into the side of the box. He watches him begin to slowly wind it as the leather cushion squeaks under him, he has a very bad feeling about this.

"I'm going to ask you a couple of questions," Jacob speaks up and places the box on the as he sits next to Pratt's slightly trembling legs. "I need you to be honest and stay calm."

"What kind of questions?" Pratt asks, guard already up.

"Relax and close your eyes." Is all he says before opening up the box.

_Only you..._

Music flows from the metal springs and gears that are nestled inside. Pratt's eyes widen at the ghostly tune before they suddenly droop with the rest of his body. The air is suddenly heavy and he can't seem to find a more comfortable position. "W-What is this?" His voice wavers as he tries to blink the drowsiness away.

"Let your eyes close, Staci." Jacob's voice is slow and warm, it forces his eyes to close no matter how hard he tries to resist.

"Breathe,"

Pratt feels something heavy on his chest.

"Breathe with me."

"Just..." He follows the direction. "Ask your questions."

The pressure on his chest decreases and he hears Jacob shift. He tries to search for him behind closed eyelids but it's dark and he suddenly feels incredibly cold.

"What happened in the men's room at the bar?"

Pratt already wants to stop. He knew that Jacob wouldn't let that go, and now he has him under some kind of spell. "I had a panic attack." He surprises himself as he automatically answers the question.

"Why?"

_Only you... Can make this darkness bright..._

"There's not always a reason."

"There was this time," Jacob's insistence cuts into him. "Think about it."

"I just wanted some attention," Pratt gulps down some shame. "She was pretty enough."

He flinches in the dark when he hears Jacob hum in understanding. "What happened?"

Pratt's throat tightens and tears prepare themselves as he tries to dig up the closeted memories of what happened that night. "He- She went down on me and I froze up."

"Keep going." Jacob's voice urges him on.

But the sudden panic he feels is suffocating him. "I can't do this Jacob." The tremors begin to wrack his body.

"You have to." A large hand squeezes his leg, grounding him. "We need to cut open old scars so they can heal properly this time. Focus, then let it out."

_Onl- Tell anyone and I'll kill you. -ou..._

"I can't" Pratt shakes his head.

"You went into the stall with her, she got down on her knees... What went wrong?"

_Darkn- Keep begging, it's only going to make things worse. -ight..._

"She went too fast." He finally relents, it hurts but he has to try. "Wouldn't stop when I asked."

"What did that bring up?"

Pratt's heart is pounding, it's like Jacob already knows what happened, like he's one step ahead of his own trauma.

_You're the one that told me to get fucked, you volunteered for this._

"What did it remind you of?"

"Him." One of the monsters that haunt him daily.

"Who?" The hand on his leg squeezes him once more, reassuring.

"Caine." Pratt shudders at the name, he hasn't said it in a while let alone told someone. "He was in my squad."

Jacob doesn't skip a beat. "What did he do to you, Staci?"

Pratt shakes his head, lip starting to wobble. "Can we stop, please?"

"Not until you tell me what he did."

_Easy, I'm almost done._

"No," No more. "Don't ask me again." He tries to sound threatening but it doesn't seem to work as Jacob squeezes him harder.

"You have to tell me. I can't let you go until you do."

This is killing him, he feels like he's dying as the music twists into words that are the bane of his existence, overwhelming his senses. He can't think straight.

There's weight behind him, hands grabbing his waist, nails digging into his hips, breath hot in his ear.

And there's his breaking point, the feeling of those old vile hands touching him. He lifts his arms against the invisible pressure crushing him and forces his eyes open just enough to find the music box and slam it closed.

Jacob looks at him with a rather surprised look on his face, it's just an eyebrow raised but it's enough for Pratt to know that he shouldn't have been able to do that.

"I volunteered." Pratt glares at him through tears that take the chance to escape. "And he fucking broke me."

It makes Jacob speechless. Finally, Pratt thinks, finally, he's able to shut him up. And he takes the chance to run to the door, quickly turning the knob and yanking it open. It's slammed shut with the same large hand that was on his leg. It leaves the door and grabs his wrist instead, forcing him to turn and back into the only exit.

"Let me go," Pratt avoids Jacobs' eyes, no doubt they're studying the hell out of him, needing to gain as much information as they can before it disappears. "I knew this was a mistake."

"You can't leave, not after that." Jacob sounds a bit out of breath as he tries to bend his head to take in Pratt's current expression hidden behind his bangs.

Pratt finally looks at him, still glaring through the tears and giving Jacob what he wants to see. A broken man. "Why couldn't you have just left it alone?"

Jacob only responds by holding onto him tighter.

He can't take the hand on his wrist anymore, the skin on skin contact is starting to burn, he has to leave before he does something stupid. "Let. Go." He tries once more.

It doesn't work and Jacob won't stop staring at him.

So Pratt does the same. Taking in the details of his face, his blue eyes, his hair... his lips.

_You know the rules by now, Pratt. Come on. Before you go..._

That's right, Caine wouldn't let him go until he...

Pratt doesn't think about it, he leans up, eyes flicking between Jacob's and his lips before he kisses him. It takes like old cigarettes but he doesn't care, anything to shock Jacob enough into letting him go, he can fret about it later.

Jacob finally let's go and takes a step back, eyes a little wide as they search Pratt's once more.

Pratt takes the chance to swing open the door and slam it behind him before briskly striding down the hallway. He doesn't stop until he reaches the end of the gravel driveway, off the main road, finally daring to look back as he catches his breath.

What a disaster. He can't stop shaking, this 'therapy' thing has just made everything worse.

Jacob hadn't kissed back, Pratt didn't know what he was expecting but a part of him was hoping.

Whatever chances he had of having some sort of friendship with Jacob is gone now that the man knows what he is, what he's done.

It's time to go back to suffering in silence.

Ashley finally pulls up in front of him with a worried look on her face. "Are you okay?" She asks as soon as he opens the door.

"Fine."

"You're crying-"

" _Please_ , Ashley." He begs her with his watery eyes. "I just want to go home."

It's obvious that she wants to fight him, to argue and wrestle him back into the hospital. "Okay." She agrees quietly instead and puts the car in drive.

 

* * *

 

_Jacob: Appt @4 tdy. Eat._

The text he gets from Jacob makes him annoyed, it's the normal afternoon text and that's the problem. Jacob is carrying on like nothing happened, like he didn't do anything wrong. He ignores it all, even the ones from Nick, asking if he's thought his offer through yet.

The light from the phone hurts his eyes, his room has been a sanctuary for the last week. Ashley keeps asking what happened, her frustration levels only rising when her brother keeps his lips sealed.

He smokes out his window constantly and throws the buds in the grass below, not caring if his family finds them. Although, he's beginning to run out and the small zippo lighter he bought before all of this is barely working.

Caine hasn't left his mind. His dark brown eyes and big cold hands haunt Pratt's consciousness now, making him unable to escape the nightmare when he wakes up. Sometimes the song Jacob played comes up with it, making him drowsy.

This is all so pathetic, he gets that, he just doesn't care anymore.

The door to his room suddenly swings open, interrupting his self-pity party, and slams against his dresser, making the entire thing rattle.

"Time to get up, Stace." Ashley announces as she yanks open his curtains. "I'm not dealing with this bullshit anymore."

Pratt groans and pulls the blankets over his head to try and hide from the blinding light that shines in. "Go away."

"Nope," The covers are pulled away. "Not until you make good on your promise."

"What promise..." He mumbles and tries to take the warmth back.

"Your promise to try and get your act together."

Pratt rolls his eyes as he sits up. "What do you want?" He sighs and runs a trembling hand through his greasy hair.

"To be honest?" She returns with a huff. "I want my brother back."

Pratt almost laughs at that but holds back so it doesn't make him look crazy. Ashley is right, that man is gone, replaced by an empty husk of who he once was.

"If you won't do something about it, I will." Ashley continues as she heads to the mangled dresser to pick out some clothes for him.

"Ashley don't-"

"You don't have a choice" She cuts him off before he can argue. "Now put some clothes on, I have to be at the shop to lock up in thirty minutes."

Pratt scowls at the jeans and shirt that are thrown on his lap as Ashley leaves.

He goes to pull the covers over his head again only to be stopped when Ashley stick her head back in and yells at him. "Staci!"

"Okay!" He yells back and jumps out of the bed to shut the door in her face.

Pratt knew he could only do this for so long before his family would intervene. It might be only a matter of time before Jacob does too.

He throws one of his baggy sweaters his mom bought him over his shirt, his winter jacket is still in Jacob's office and he refuses to wear one of his sisters. A toque completes the outfit to hide his unkempt hair, hopefully, no one will recognize him underneath all this.

Ashley gives him a sad look when he walks out into the living room, revealing his outfit for the day.

"Coffee?" She offers.

"Yeah," He sits at the counter. "Please."

"They're quiet as the coffee brews, it's awkward and that's his fault, if he was just a normal human being he could normal human being things, have normal conversations with his loving sister.

"I know your appointment is today," Ashley confesses as she slides a mug across the counter to him.

Pratt tenses immediately, this argument can't happen right now.

"I won't force you to go..."

He relaxes a little at those words and sips at his coffee.

"But can you at least call or text?"

"No." Pratt shuts it down as he cups his mug with both his hands to steady them.

"Please-"

"Leave it alone, Ash."

"But-"

"I said no!" Pratt finally snaps, glaring.

It makes Ashley shut her mouth though and gives Pratt the opportunity to escape. He gets up and begins putting on his runners.

"Where are you going?" 

"To get more death sticks." He mumbles angrily before stumbling out the door.

"Staci!"

This will probably make it worse and his family will worry but he can't stay and listen to it anymore. It's not their fault though, they don't know what's going on in his head. He wishes he could tell them.

There is a small convenience store down the road that sells what he needs, he picks some smokes up with a new light and slowly begins his walk back. A pit in his stomach makes him stop and stand in the middle of the road. It's been so long since he's been outside, the air smells so good, he doesn't want to go home.

Home isn't a sanctuary anymore, it's a death trap.

It's starting rain as Pratt turns and heads to the hiking trails. He can't go home. Not yet.

His phone buzzes and the road turns to leaves under his feet as he starts on one of the more familiar trails. He dares to look at it.

_Jacob: Where r u?_

Ashley must have told him what happened and now he's after Pratt too.

_Ashley: Come back._

Pratt continues on and into the forest.

_Nick: Pick up the phone bud._

He takes his usual path, frowning at the colour of the leaves, fall is coming too quickly.

_Missed Call_

_Missed Call_

_Missed Call_

_Missed Call_

_Missed Call_

Pratt finds himself in the dark. There's no seeable path to lead him home. He's cold and wet from the rain, hypothermia could set in soon.

His phone has a decent amount of battery left but if he calls someone they'll only take him home.

The thought pushes him on farther into the dark. There's a distinct tree that he's been on the lookout for that he uses as a marker but the ones surrounding him are scarily unfamiliar. His feet are starting to go numb as he squishes around in soaked shoes, trying to get through the mud and pouring rain.

A root catches his foot and forces him to meet the ground hard. "Fuck..." He groans into the puddle he fell into. "Fuck!" He snaps again, frustrated as he pounds his fists, mud spraying up into his face.

This is a mess, he should have stayed home and gone with Ashley to close up her shop, maybe stole a couple of sweets while he was there. It's obviously too late now, she probably hates him.

His phone is ringing as takes a few deep breaths and sits himself down in front of a nearby tree. He pulls it out of his pocket and rubs the mud off the screen.

It's Jacob.

Pratt can't hide anymore, he'll die out here if he doesn't call someone.

His shaking finger hits the talk button before putting the phone to his ear.

"Pratt?"

Jacob's voice is strained, he sounds tired.

"H-Hey." Pratt trembles back.

"Where are you?"

"I d-don't know." He knows Jacob will need more to find him. "I went for a walk on the hiking trails."

"Behind your place?"

"I-I think..."

"Stay put." Jacob orders. "I'm coming."

Pratt hears him shuffling getting ready to come to the rescue but then he hears Ashley crying, asking questions, begging Jacob to let her come with him.

"Don't-Don't let Ash come." He sniffs, speaking a bit louder so the rain doesn't drown him out. "Please."

The phone is quiet for a moment before the rustling continues. "Okay," Jacob agrees. "I'm coming, Staci."

Pratt hangs up on the soft statement, it made him warm and hopeful, he doesn't deserve it.

An hour passes and his phone is almost dead. All he hears is the rain pouring down on him and his own teeth chattering. Another hour and he might pass out.

His phone finally begins to ring again and he answers it right away this time.

"Tell me what you see." Jacob's smooth voice comes through, warming Pratt up just a little.

"Uhm." He takes in the looming trees above him but nothing gives away his location. "T-Trees?"

Jacob doesn't even scoff at the poor attempt at humour. "Pratt."

"I-I don't know, Jacob." He's beginning to panic. "I'm sitting next to a tree, I tripped, got spun around."

"Alright," Jacob sighs. "How do you feel about dogs?"

"Uh," What kind of a question... "I'm more of a cat p-person."

"That's a shame. Keep hanging in, I'll be there soon."

With that, Jacob hangs up and Pratt's alone again.

Several minutes pass and Pratt hugs his legs to warm himself up as he waits. Will Jacob bring up the kiss? Maybe they can just sweep it under the rug and continue like normal. No, Pratt just wants to be left alone after this, he's just a burden to everybody.

Dogs barking jolt him out of the daze he finds himself in, replaying the kiss over and over in his head.  
  
"Pratt!"

It's Jacob.

"I'm here!" He tries to get up but his body refuses to move.

A light shines through the trees with wagging tails coming closer. Two large dogs come into view, they're figures looming over him as he lays in the mud. They bark and howl for their master, letting him know the location of the target. The light is suddenly in his face and reveals Jacob's stone expression as he looks Pratt over.

"Are you hurt?" He asks as he kneels down in the mud next to him.

"I- I can't f-feel anything." Pratt manages to get out through chattering teeth.

"Okay," Jacob nods as he puts down his flashlight so his arms are free to wrap around Pratt. "Let's get you home."

"Wait-" If Jacob takes him home now he'll just end up right back here. "Wait!"

The hands on him pause, Jacob's breathing steady and listening intently, making sure he can hear him over the rain.

"P-Please don't take me back home." He sniffs, broken. "Not yet."

"Your house is the closest," Jacob states back. "We need to get you dry and warm." He continues to hoist Pratt up into his arms bridal style despite him struggling.

Pratt gasps as he's thrown up a bit so Jacob can get a better grip on him, arms wrapped around his back and underneath his knees, letting them dangle. He's incredibly embarrassed to be held let alone like a maiden in distress but thankfully his blush can't be seen with how dark it is. His hands accidentally scratch the back of Jacob's neck when he feels himself slipping, afraid to fall in the mud again.

"I gotcha." He hears Jacob smile as his arms tighten around him.

"Don't take me back." Pratt mumbles as his eyes drift closed.

Jacob is warm, it makes his muscles finally begin to ache from trembling so hard.

"Stay awake." Jacob's chest rumbles underneath his cheek. "We're almost to the truck."

The truck is parked half hazardly on the side of the road when they get there, keys still in the ignition, engine running. Jacob secures him into the passengers' seat before letting his monster dogs into the back.

Jacob quickly gets behind the wheel and goes to put the truck in gear but Pratt's cold hand shoots out to stop him. "Please." He tries once more. "If I go back..." It'll be a disaster.

Jacob studies him for a few seconds before putting the truck in drive and pulling away from the curb, turning the heat up to full blast.

Pratt slouches in his seat and curls in on himself. Ashley will berate him, so will mom, they'll think he's crazy just like Jacob does.

"Hey," Something pushes him. "Keep your eyes open."

He shrugs it off with a huff, angry at his rescuer. "I'm awake."

"Good." Jacob grunts. "So what the hell were you thinking?"

"I'm not talking to you about this." Pratt mumbles like a toddler in time out and crosses his arms.

"Why not?"

Pratt's eyes snap to Jacob, glaring. "Because last time-!" He cuts himself off, this isn't the time or the place for hysterics. "Forget it, just take me home."

"Thought you didn't want to go home." Jacob glances at him, one hand on the wheel.

"I don't care anymore." Just as long as it's away from him.

Jacob doesn't respond, instead, he just speeds up as they turn down an unfamiliar dirt road.

A large house emerges from behind the trees and over a hill, it looks like a mansion with a cabin aesthetic, there's a dim light coming from the 1st-floor window meaning someone must be home.

"What is this place?"

"The house that my brother's building," Jacob replies as he pulls to a stop. "I don't think he'll mind if we use it."

Pratt lets Jacob help him into the would-be mansion and makes him settle on the couch in front of the already lit fireplace, the source of the light that he saw from outside.

"Be right back, gunna let the dogs out."

Jacob's gone before he can say anything so he takes the time to look at the inside furnishings. The main entrance way is large and open, upstairs is built but without any railings for the sides. There are several ladders stowed away with some fresh lumber. It's rustic with a lot of modern touches, it's hard to see the rest of it with just the stone fireplace being lit, it seems to be the grand centerpiece of the house with it being so large. Even Pratt can admire the small details that John has put into this place.

The door opens and closes and Pratt looks up to watch Jacob take off his dripping raincoat. He throws it on the chair next to his boots before refocusing on Pratt.

"Still cold?"

Pratt tries to use words to express how he feels but his throat closes and all he can do is nod. Jacob looks cold too with his hair and clothes soaked through, that's his fault, it's always his fault.

Jacob retrieves a thick looking blanket from the closet down the hall.

"Take off your clothes."

Pratt's eyes widen in panic, Jacob seems to notice the shock on his face and tries to elaborate.

"They're what's keeping you cold." He throws the blanket next to him as he stands there waiting, ready to help. "Hurry up, you're not out of the woods yet." Jacob urges and pulls the soaked toque off his head.

Pratt's heart is in his throat as he stares at the blanket for a few minutes. Jacob stays patient, stays quiet too as the shivering man on the couch makes his decision. He takes off his sweater and lets it drop to the floor with a wet slap, the wool heavy with water. The next step is his shirt but he pauses again as he begins to roll it up, showing off a little bit of skin before pulling it back down.

Jacob isn't Caine, that's clear but... "Can you turn around?" Even asking is embarrassing.

Jacob's eyebrow quirks up as he turns around to grant the request. Pratt quickly undresses and throws the wet clothes on the hardwood floor, leaving his briefs securely on his hips even if they're soaked through too. He lets Jacob turn back around once he has the blanket wrapped around him. The man doesn't even flinch at Pratt's ruined appearance, he takes it all in stride, his eyes still examining and making him feel so small.  
  
Pratt flinches when the psychiatrist picks up his strewn about clothing and spreads them out in front of the fireplace to dry. He flops down on the couch behind him and watches, Jacob is taking care of him and they barely know each other, this odd man saved him, the least he could do is give him something. If Jacob won't bring it up, it's Pratt's responsibility to set things straight again.

"I'm sorry..."

Jacob doesn't respond as he stands by the fireplace, fingering Pratt's stretched out sweater.

"I'm sorry I kissed you." Pratt quickly whispers again.

Jacob finally looks at him, face dark and eyes soft.

"He-..." Come on, Pratt. Be a man. "Caine wouldn't let me leave until I..." He tightens his hold on the blanket.

Jacob comes over and sits next to him, listening closely again. "Until you what?"

Pratt doesn't dare look up at him. "Kissed him," He tries to keep the tears contained but one escapes. "After he was done with me."

"Tell me what he did."

"No," Pratt shakes his head and wipes the tear away quickly. "I'm not ready-"

"Staci." Jacob's hand is on his leg, carefully placed over the blanket so their skin doesn't directly touch. "Look at what it's doing to you."

Pratt can't ignore how he's almost naked seated next to his psychiatrist, still shaking from the cold, the blanket is barely doing its job.

"I-I'll tell you but not like this." He'll confess all his sins when he's fully clothed.

"Will you come back to the hospital for an appointment?"

Fear grips Pratt immediately and he pulls his leg out from under the hot hand. "I don't know."

Jacob sighs as he runs a hand through his damp hair. "I just want to help you, Pratt."

"Why?" He holds his head in his hands.

"I want the-"

"Why do you want the truth?" Pratt snaps, digging his nails into his scalp. "What's so interesting about a broken soldier?"

Jacob doesn't respond to his anger and Pratt suddenly feels bad about it. This man is only trying to help but he keeps rejecting it and pushing him away.

Whatever, Jacob will leave him alone when he grows tired of trying, they all will eventually.

Pratt tries to snuggle under his blanket, wiping his runny nose on it while he takes some deep breaths, the fire barely helping. He flinches when the couch shifts as Jacob moves in behind him and his strong thighs settle on either side of him.

"What are you doing?" Pratt's voice breaks with uncertainty as a pair of large scarred arms wrap around his waist to bring him into their owner's chest. "Don't-"

"Shut up," Jacob orders, his voice vibrating through the blanket and into Pratt's back. "We need to get you warm."

Pratt snaps his mouth shut at the scolding and tries to relax. This is just to get his body temperature up, nothing more. He does his best to contain the feelings he's had ever since the night at the bar, jerking off to the thought of fucking this man's mouth. There have been few more times where he couldn't stop himself, this can't be one of those times.

"Good?" Jacob cuts through Pratt's building panic.

"Fine." He replies curtly. "Thanks."

Jacob huffs in his ear and leans forward, making Pratt bend under the extra weight. "Are you really sorry for kissing me?" He whispers in his ear.

Pratt stops breathing. "What?" Is his automatic response.

"Were you just scared?" Jacob's beard tickles his neck and bare shoulder where the blanket has slid down. "Or did you want to?"

Of course, Jacob isn't blind, he has eyes and instincts to, with wants and needs like any other man. He's human. He can probably tell that Pratt is attracted to at least his shape, his build. Big and strong.

But this can't happen, whatever Jacob is implying can't exist between them. Pratt is a mess and he needs a psychiatrist rather than a _boyfriend_. The title itself makes him feel sick, it implies more than just being there for each other. Sex and romance is a big part of it and that's something he can never see himself doing or being apart of.

"I just wanted to go home." Pratt lies.

Jacob just hums and leans back on the couch, bringing Pratt with him so they can both sit more comfortably. Well, Jacob can but Pratt still has trouble getting used to the warm body around him.

It's an odd feeling, being held so tenderly is a shock to his system, although it's a nice change. They spend at least an hour in silence besides Jacob ordering him to wiggle his toes to get the blood flowing. They tingle painfully as the warmth comes back to them.

"Feeling things now?" Jacob yawns and let's go to stretch his arms.

"Yeah." Pratt mumbles, a bit tired himself with feeling so many things, it's exhausting.

They should head out, it's 2am and Pratt's phone is almost dead. Ashley probably hates him for running away and refusing to come home.

"Is Ashley angry?" Pratt knows she will be but he wants to be reassured.

"No," Jacob sighs and rubs his eyes. "She wants you home."

Home.

"I can't live there anymore." He thinks out loud.

"You don't have much of a choice."

"If I accept Nick's offer I'll have enough money to get out and live on my own." He explains, it's the best chance he has to be normal again.

Jacob tenses behind him when Nick is brought into the conversation. "What did he offer you?"

It confuses Pratt a little but he decides to tell him anyways. "He wants me to work for him on a more permanent basis."

"Think you'll be able to handle it?"

"No," Pratt replies honestly this time. "But like you said, I don't have much of a choice."

"Sounds like you have a plan then." Jacob huffs a little and squeezes his shoulder before getting up.

Pratt immediately misses the heat and grabs Jacob's wrist before he gets too far. They stare at each other for a moment as he tries to figure out what to say. "I still want... I need your help with... everything." That should do it.

Jacob's lips twitch up into a smirk. "Okay," He breathes out before gently taking his hand away. "But you need to make sure that you get to your appointments on time or else."

Pratt swallows as he watches Jacob start to pick up his clothing by the fireplace. "Or else what?"

"Or else I'll start to charge you for the ones you miss."

Jacob is serious and Pratt can't say that it's not fair, although he can't afford to skip a single one then. "Deal."

"No more running away either." Jacob smiles at him again and throws his damp toque at him.

Pratt nods at that, knowing that he can't verbally promise that he won't run screaming out of the room again.

"Get dressed," Jacob throws his clothes at him. "We'll get you home to your family."

Pratt makes Jacob turn around again as he does so. He turns his back to him when he pulls on his pants just to make sure the man doesn't get a glimpse.

"Ready?" Jacob asks when Pratt is fully clothed again.

"Nope," He sighs and puts his hat on. "Let's go."

They don't speak a word in the car and Pratt is thankful for that. He has to save whatever energy has left so he can deal with his most likely frantic family.

The women of the household have tears in their eyes and Ashley tackle hugs him as soon as he walks through the door. Jacob stands to the side so his mother can embrace both of her children.

It takes him a long time to untangle himself from it all and escape back to his room where he can hide from it all. But that means Caine is back to terrorize him and Jacob can't do anything to help him as he leaves with his dogs in the truck.

Pratt waits for the horrible nightmares and memories to consume him as he lays rigid in his bed, eyes staring at the popcorn ceiling.

Instead, the thought of Jacob holding him comes into his mind. He should have just come home as soon as he was rescued.

Pratt caresses his bare stomach where Jacob's strong arms had rested. They were warm and careful, the complete opposite of... His hand travels down to his crotch as it twitches at the idea of making a move with Jacob on that couch when he asked about why he had kissed him at the hospital. Maybe he would have kissed back, held him longer and tighter, protecting him.

He jolts as his phone buzzes on his bedside table.

_Jacob: Sleep. Apt @ 2pm, tmrw._

He is so fucked.


End file.
